I'm in deep pain. Hurt. Today I was not only rejected as a web content analyst, but also as a person. What am I doing with my life?!
I'm 30 and some. I'm not married. Have no kids. No house to call my own. No career. Not part of a big successful corporation. As a matter of fact, I hate big corporations for what they are, for the system and everything that comes with it. So, where I am?
At the beginning of grad school I didn't know where I was hitting. At the end, I wasn't even wondering myself what am I going to do next with my life. I had no plans, just a diploma paper and some luck. If I had that last one. I don't know, maybe. I consider myself a lucky woman and I feel blessed sometimes. But still, I don't know how to manage my life, what to do, how to organize it. Who am I kidding to? I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm frighten of this situation.
Let's start with what I do have. I have a shelter - maybe more than a shelter, a big house to live in, my parents' house, of course. I also have a 5 years old relationship with a fantastic amazing guy who loves me sooo much. I'm very grateful for that. I am lucky, really truly lucky. I have what to eat, and for that I have to be thankful, because not only that I have what to eat, but also I eat what I want and I can somehow manage to buy what I want to eat, which is very important because I love healthy food, with lots of fruits and veggies, which are not always cheep. So again, I am lucky. But I'm such a mess when it comes to my career. What I am doing to do about it?
I never been an work alcoholic or so, I left office at 6PM (or 5, if the case) and went straight home or downtown sometimes. I never been such a good learner either. So then I end up on doing just what needs to be done and nothing more. I've choose the faculty I've graduated because it was an easy one, or at least it seemed to be at that time. I was afraid to pick something different, such as medicine or something else because I was afraid to take responsibility for my actions. What is worse is that I'm still in the same situation: I want more money doing nothing and I don't want to be responsible. I am afraid I can not handle it. I don't know why, maybe because I was used like this, maybe because I had some bad "settings" from back when I was a child. Maybe my parents never encouraged me to do something different, to get out of the crowd, to say it out loud. But I got over this bashfulness when I was in my first university year and I've realized that people see me as I let them see me. So I changed and started to think more widely. The results came up almost instantly!
I don't want to work 8-10 hours a day for a pittance and not live my life as I want, close to my dear beloved ones. I want to be able to work from the comfort of my own home and that seems so hard to achieve right now. I feel like everything is going up-side-down when it comes to career and jobs. I have a very low paid job and I want another one to rise my earnings. But what can I do about it? I feel like I'm a poor translator, a poor writer, a poor everything-related-to-job. I feel I'm low much low below the standards and I'm frustrated because of that. I have no support from somebody who is also working on the field, I don't know anyone just so close to call my firnd and to ask question s (stupid beginners' questions!) without having a laugh on me! I'm jut wondering, what can I do about it?!
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sundays are always lazy ;-)
This morning I woke up with the mind set for coffee. That kind of coffee that you only get to drink at home, made with your own hands and served with love in the intimacy of your living room. Or maybe in the back yard. :-)
But when I actually stand up I could feel that pain in the lower stomach saying that's not a good day for coffee, instead I should try some green smoothie or a tea. So I've made this incredible green smoothie using 3 big indregients: 2 green apples, 1 green pear (green, but sweeeet!) and a few (5-6) leaves of green cabbage. What it came out was something sooo sweet and tasty that I drunk all that juicy almost instantly!
Now I have to do something with this ovarian pain, but I think I'll just bath myself into warm horse tail infusion that is recommended for this kind of pain.
But the ovarian pain is not the problem. Today I "felt down the bridge" when I saw that my application to a job that I actually wanted to such was rejected. It kind hurt my feelings as I was already thinking how would be to work for this company (a big one). I guess it was my fault at some point, when I had my first interview I prefered to type instead of talking which was not a good thing for me, and well...then - maybe the tests were not good, I don't know. And another thing - little detail I've noticed after I sent one last message to the employer was that I typed by mistake "testes" instead of "tests" which may be counting for the job. :| Anyway, this is it, I'll have to move on and start looking for other jobs on the market. The thing is that they contacted me and I thought I really have the chance to have this job.
But when I actually stand up I could feel that pain in the lower stomach saying that's not a good day for coffee, instead I should try some green smoothie or a tea. So I've made this incredible green smoothie using 3 big indregients: 2 green apples, 1 green pear (green, but sweeeet!) and a few (5-6) leaves of green cabbage. What it came out was something sooo sweet and tasty that I drunk all that juicy almost instantly!
Now I have to do something with this ovarian pain, but I think I'll just bath myself into warm horse tail infusion that is recommended for this kind of pain.
But the ovarian pain is not the problem. Today I "felt down the bridge" when I saw that my application to a job that I actually wanted to such was rejected. It kind hurt my feelings as I was already thinking how would be to work for this company (a big one). I guess it was my fault at some point, when I had my first interview I prefered to type instead of talking which was not a good thing for me, and well...then - maybe the tests were not good, I don't know. And another thing - little detail I've noticed after I sent one last message to the employer was that I typed by mistake "testes" instead of "tests" which may be counting for the job. :| Anyway, this is it, I'll have to move on and start looking for other jobs on the market. The thing is that they contacted me and I thought I really have the chance to have this job.
Friday, May 20, 2011
what's with this back pain?
After all, today may be a rainy day after the day it started with a lot of sun smiling at my happy face. :-) I woke up early, at 7:30Am and got my b/f into shape for a new day of work! Then we had some breakfast, put some clothes on and hit the door. We actually step outside with a coffee {vanilla and caramelo} frappe in mind, and end up on a fancy terrace down town. It was nice, but not very quiet. The cars were running by making a lot of noise, but we just had our coffee and smile to the world.
Well, the things are not that pinky as I painted them to be, but at least we try out best. My b/f is frustrated because of work, I'm in the middle of a job requiting and I have to pass some tests before they accept me for this job, we are planning to go on vacantion this summer - twice actually - and we are very tight with the money: he wants to leave this job and stay focused only on web-design presentations, to take some small jobs and make a portofolio so he can later rely on the earnings from this job. But it's catchy, because as soon as he will leave his actual job, he will be out of money for a while - or at least with a very few he saved for this - and he is worried about this: what if he's not going to make it, what is he is not capable to undergo this and so on. He is even thinking that I may be leaving him because he has no money! That's a totally bullsh#t and I had to assure him that everything is going to be fine, he doesn't need to be worry about this. I haven't told him this, but he really made me feel bad and unconfortable saying and believing that!
What I'm worried about now is my back pain. I got this pain from about 5 days now and I suppose is because of my computer working and inactivity. I'm not a sporty person and I don't know if I'll ever be, but at least I should try to move my ass more ofter in the park, jogging and stuff. But I just can't do this all by myself. I need somebody to be with me ...anyway, this is not a good moment to start running here and there, not until I get to see my doctor and find out what the huch is going on and most of all ---- what is to be done! Oh! and another thing. Yesterday I had my blood tests done and I can wait for the results. Unlikely, I'm not scared, but anxious to find out the result and take action - if needed. I'm saying that because of my 80-90% raw food diet that I'm taking from about 4 months now (4 months on 11.05.2011). I just realised now that are 4 months, and not 3! God! I hope I can still eat some fish sometimes. Anyway, because I was affraid or not, I just had some cheese from time to time, very little few pieces of cheese. It was OK I huess since I was not in stomach pain and the next day (after eating that) I eat only raw food. But the thing is that I want to eat some eggs and cheese from time to time, let's say once at 2-3 weeks or so.
That's OK from now. I got a terrible back pain (but I'm sure there are pains worse than what I feel right now~) and I'll just run from the computer! lol~
Well, the things are not that pinky as I painted them to be, but at least we try out best. My b/f is frustrated because of work, I'm in the middle of a job requiting and I have to pass some tests before they accept me for this job, we are planning to go on vacantion this summer - twice actually - and we are very tight with the money: he wants to leave this job and stay focused only on web-design presentations, to take some small jobs and make a portofolio so he can later rely on the earnings from this job. But it's catchy, because as soon as he will leave his actual job, he will be out of money for a while - or at least with a very few he saved for this - and he is worried about this: what if he's not going to make it, what is he is not capable to undergo this and so on. He is even thinking that I may be leaving him because he has no money! That's a totally bullsh#t and I had to assure him that everything is going to be fine, he doesn't need to be worry about this. I haven't told him this, but he really made me feel bad and unconfortable saying and believing that!
What I'm worried about now is my back pain. I got this pain from about 5 days now and I suppose is because of my computer working and inactivity. I'm not a sporty person and I don't know if I'll ever be, but at least I should try to move my ass more ofter in the park, jogging and stuff. But I just can't do this all by myself. I need somebody to be with me ...anyway, this is not a good moment to start running here and there, not until I get to see my doctor and find out what the huch is going on and most of all ---- what is to be done! Oh! and another thing. Yesterday I had my blood tests done and I can wait for the results. Unlikely, I'm not scared, but anxious to find out the result and take action - if needed. I'm saying that because of my 80-90% raw food diet that I'm taking from about 4 months now (4 months on 11.05.2011). I just realised now that are 4 months, and not 3! God! I hope I can still eat some fish sometimes. Anyway, because I was affraid or not, I just had some cheese from time to time, very little few pieces of cheese. It was OK I huess since I was not in stomach pain and the next day (after eating that) I eat only raw food. But the thing is that I want to eat some eggs and cheese from time to time, let's say once at 2-3 weeks or so.
That's OK from now. I got a terrible back pain (but I'm sure there are pains worse than what I feel right now~) and I'll just run from the computer! lol~
Monday, April 12, 2010
Kunder Broker - what a joke!
Kunder Broker - What a joke!
This week-end, me and my boyfriend attended an business seminary on how to do business, of course. The only thing that was not said in proper word was that one has to lie a lot in order to achieve her/his goal: to make that person to sign a contract, a life insurance that costs a lot of money (about 2500romanian lei - meaning about 1000$) - an amount that can be hardly paid one time (for the first year) and then quartly. But still, not nice. There are a few people that can pay that amount now when the crisis has come over.
Hear what you want - heh!
Yes, hear what you want to hear, not what you should or what you don't like. The people that held the training were using nice words, forgetting to say what was most important: this is not a job that can be made by anyone. Not anyone can do this kind of job: you have to be persuasive and have a really good view about the products and services provided. Instead of this, we got some bullshit bla-bla talk about the "easy" thing doing business, when the truth what totally different: you have to play the jack with one and another in order to bring them into your teem and then make them understand how it works and then, d'oh!, convince them to continue doing the same! Can you believe that? I mean, this guys have a lot of nervs to do this!
How to get rich when the crisis strikes
Who gets richer on the market in crisis times? Who else than someone who already has a lot of money and can play them very well to achieve the goal of having more and more!!!!?! Some insurance company, some outsourcing company or maybe own your bank and that's it! This guys are only investing in more and more money, wanting to cover all the market, to have more and more consultants to push the things further and further!
I made up my mind
And decided to stay with the health insurances when the moment will come. The only thing for that I'm going to "fight": it will be much more easier to convince people to sign with your company since they have nothing to pay. 2% will be held in the personal health insurance account. Starting with July or August, we don't know for sure- and I'm going to make as much as I can when the start is done, taking into consideration that the amount of money for each insurance signed will be around 40 euros. I just love this, yes. :) And can barely wait. Don't know if we are going to have a proper summer holiday this year, but for sure it will be full. Then, with the money we manage to save, maybe we'll buy something.
This week-end, me and my boyfriend attended an business seminary on how to do business, of course. The only thing that was not said in proper word was that one has to lie a lot in order to achieve her/his goal: to make that person to sign a contract, a life insurance that costs a lot of money (about 2500romanian lei - meaning about 1000$) - an amount that can be hardly paid one time (for the first year) and then quartly. But still, not nice. There are a few people that can pay that amount now when the crisis has come over.
Hear what you want - heh!
Yes, hear what you want to hear, not what you should or what you don't like. The people that held the training were using nice words, forgetting to say what was most important: this is not a job that can be made by anyone. Not anyone can do this kind of job: you have to be persuasive and have a really good view about the products and services provided. Instead of this, we got some bullshit bla-bla talk about the "easy" thing doing business, when the truth what totally different: you have to play the jack with one and another in order to bring them into your teem and then make them understand how it works and then, d'oh!, convince them to continue doing the same! Can you believe that? I mean, this guys have a lot of nervs to do this!
How to get rich when the crisis strikes
Who gets richer on the market in crisis times? Who else than someone who already has a lot of money and can play them very well to achieve the goal of having more and more!!!!?! Some insurance company, some outsourcing company or maybe own your bank and that's it! This guys are only investing in more and more money, wanting to cover all the market, to have more and more consultants to push the things further and further!
I made up my mind
And decided to stay with the health insurances when the moment will come. The only thing for that I'm going to "fight": it will be much more easier to convince people to sign with your company since they have nothing to pay. 2% will be held in the personal health insurance account. Starting with July or August, we don't know for sure- and I'm going to make as much as I can when the start is done, taking into consideration that the amount of money for each insurance signed will be around 40 euros. I just love this, yes. :) And can barely wait. Don't know if we are going to have a proper summer holiday this year, but for sure it will be full. Then, with the money we manage to save, maybe we'll buy something.
Monday, February 4, 2008
how my lover drives me crazy
I mean really crazy, mad!!!
why I'm saying this?
well...because he lied to me about one stupid thing and still I cannot recall because I am still under shock! I never would have thought he will do such I thing!
well, let's see what happened:
An old university colleague was in town the other day and she called so we could all meet downtown. I say 'we' cos there were nine of us going out. Firstly, everything was set to 7pm, but when we already decided not to go, my lover received a phone call from another ex-colleague saying he and his g/f are changing plans and show up at the meeting, but that everything was now set for 9pm and besides that he inform us that we have a club reservation made by another ex-colleague which had a major contribution to this situation; not only that he convinced my b/f to go, but he also told him about the fact that the club reservation will cost us all 160 ron per total, and we all have to pay a little part of it. - THE fact that really drove me crazy was that my b/f didn't mention a anything about this, about the fact that 160 ron will be paid for a bottle of whisky (which, by the way, it's not my favorite drink!!!!) that will be served as soon as we sit to our table.
Now I'm furious about this situation and with all this I really want to let it go, forget it, forgive him and forget about all this situation. It's not only about the money - which, by the way, could have been spent otherwise - but about the fact that he didn't come clean and tell the truth. Maybe next time I should stay home and read a book and don't bother with this clubbing night outs!
why I'm saying this?
well...because he lied to me about one stupid thing and still I cannot recall because I am still under shock! I never would have thought he will do such I thing!
well, let's see what happened:
An old university colleague was in town the other day and she called so we could all meet downtown. I say 'we' cos there were nine of us going out. Firstly, everything was set to 7pm, but when we already decided not to go, my lover received a phone call from another ex-colleague saying he and his g/f are changing plans and show up at the meeting, but that everything was now set for 9pm and besides that he inform us that we have a club reservation made by another ex-colleague which had a major contribution to this situation; not only that he convinced my b/f to go, but he also told him about the fact that the club reservation will cost us all 160 ron per total, and we all have to pay a little part of it. - THE fact that really drove me crazy was that my b/f didn't mention a anything about this, about the fact that 160 ron will be paid for a bottle of whisky (which, by the way, it's not my favorite drink!!!!) that will be served as soon as we sit to our table.
Now I'm furious about this situation and with all this I really want to let it go, forget it, forgive him and forget about all this situation. It's not only about the money - which, by the way, could have been spent otherwise - but about the fact that he didn't come clean and tell the truth. Maybe next time I should stay home and read a book and don't bother with this clubbing night outs!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)