Life it's a playground

I've been waiting for this moment for so long. I so much wanted to try this and see what comes out of it, that I cannot even believe I was just about to give up. The reason I haven't is because my husband remind me why I am doing this and how badly I need this. It is going to be IT or ...not. One way or another, I have to try this if I want to move on. If I want to look forward and find my way. I got so many questions ans so many scenarios that I've come to the conclusion that none of this can't be sure. They are all thoughts dancing up and down my head. I will know for sure probably on Friday, but I'll know the non-official results on Wednesday at noon.

Of course, medicine it;s not an easy faculty. There will be 6 years and I'll have a lot of work for that matter. I'll have seminaries, lectures, practical courses and most of all, lessons among dead bodies, dissecting them step by step in order to learn the mysteries of the human body. It will a long way. But in this journey I'll find great stories, meet wonderful people and learn whatever it is needed to become a great doctor.

It's very late right now and I'm going to shut this down. Next 2 days will be full and I'll have to make the most of it.  See you soon, with or without it! ;-)

PS. I have to write about Barcelona and my dreams to move there (at least during the summer).

Photo Source

Things should be simple. Or are they?

You probably noticed I'm pretty a non-driven person. I'm almost never decided about one thing or another, and I question the facts all the time. I wonder what to do, what's best to do, what not to try and stuff like that, but most of all - I'm asking myself WHAT DO I WANT?! Because not knowing the answer to this question may lead to serious unhappiness. And the truth is that, the more I let go thinking about it, the closer I get to seeing things as they are: simple. And the simple fact of being aware of this makes me feel better. I'll start with the beginning: I am here, I want to go there. The rest will come along.

Moving to Barcelona - Letter of the week (8)

I so much missed writing and posting in here! I have to admit I should take more time to put my thoughts into words, it's such a nice reminder when reading after some time!

I have been in Barcelona, visiting and seeing the most of it, and this city left such great impression on me, that I'm setting the next vacation there! Which is not going to be really a vacation, because we are planning moving in there. Yes, you 'heard' that right! You probably know if you read my blog that we were thinking of relocating, see the post here. I so much wanna fly there and settle down with work and have a nice little cozy apartment, that we are actually looking for it. I've started looking the internet and comparing the prices, the offers and all that kind of stuff you need to live there, especially the one implying costs for food/water, rent, bills for monthly utilities and so on... SO many stuff to arrange, set, plan! We are very excited, my husband liked so much in there, loved the weather, the people, the language! I have to admit I wanted to write that in Spanish, but than I've realized it will take too much to find my words and put them together, that I will eventually lose my thoughts! LOL! That's not something to laugh about it, I should have known how to write a simple 'story' and how to narate the things that happen in there...but then again, I have no exercise with that! English comes so much more into hand, and the words come naturally. Even if sometimes I can't find my words in English, I quickly find a replacement for the word in question!

So this is it, we are so planning this relocation that I have to tell you my keyboard burns into typing work offers, apartments finds and absolutely necessary things we need.

Design and inspiration

I started to look and look further for design inspirational blogs that bring my creativity at a high level and let my mind fly away. I so much love to read all those blogs that are so inspired! Here I had to 'bookmark' this blog: I love the colors and structure and I bookmarked into my fav from the very first second! The link is about vintage bathrooms with class. We are so modern nowadays that we totally forget that old 'glam' a vintage room can have: a bath tube made for special relaxation, a white-so-simple furniture, made from real genuine wood and no other "fake" materials. I, I mean I find it very romantic and sweet! I would love to refurbish old furniture and give it a new face. But here where I live most of the people don't appreciate this "trend" and continue to buy new, poor quality furniture that lasts only a few years, then go again and buy a new one and so on. Even though, I've seen people interested in old stuff, especially if it's a family object. All I have to do is to 'tease' the marketing and see if there is a real potential. But first I'm going to start with my old refrigerator. ;-) You'll see, I'm not going to say anything else!

Also see this page, and this, and this...and this, and maybe this...and you might like this too... ;-)

Letter of the week (5) Why do we fight ourselves?

I got home this morning and found myself in no mood. I mean I have that feeling that I don't want to work, don't want to study (even though I should!), I'm not in the mood!

I wonder why we people tend to create problems where there are not: we choose to work in a field that does not represent us and then we tend to end up miserably! Have I said miserably? That is a nice word for what I mean here! Let's see my own example: I am a translator, but even so, I'm not happy doing translations all day long. I mean, I get bored. I want some action. Not too much action, like I don't wanna plunge myself with the parachute or something, but I do want some action in my life. I did a good thought about it and answered to the question: what do I do with my life? And what do I really want to do professionally? Am I really meant to be a doctor or is it just a thought of mine going crazy into my head and bumping up and down like nuts? DO I really want to follow 6 years of medicine school (here there are 6 years, then the residency according to the speciality, between 3 and 7 years) and then end up with no kids at 38? I mean, do I really, really want that? I thought about it. I would love to be a doctor because I could help people, I will not transform myself into that doctor who pretends money to practice medicine. I would have my own particular cabinet and work for the people, even if sometimes it will mean less money and more working hours. After all, this is what it means to be a doctor: sacrifice yourself and do good to the people. OF COURSE, I'm dreaming to a decent medical system where doctors are treated with respect and have a DECENT income, BUT who knows when that will be?! I still hope that starting now medicine and having the 6 years ahead will probably change something into the system. We expect something, a miracle, but in the same time we let our guvernors to do whatever they want with our money, with our country, to sell it piece by piece and let us with nothing. WE are a brave nation, where is that bravery and ambition to do things right, to fight for your country and die for it if is necessary so others cannot take it and make it their own!??!?!!??!?! I keep wonder that and I find one and only one answer: that of the "hungry" for power people. Hungry for money, more money and more, more, more money! And what Carmen Harra says about the end of the financial system is not that far away: I do believe this system must go off and be replaced with a better one. It has been proven that is not working and still, we hang on it because of the habitude, we are afraid of changing things.

Back to what I want in life....it's simple, but yet complicated: I want to do whatever I like and do it with love and devotion, so that what comes out of my hands and thought of my mind to be perfect, integrated with the client's idea and preferences. And I want to earn decent money from it. I do want to create handmade earrings, brooches, all kind of other small accessories for women and not only, I want to be an interior designer, a fashion designer. ...I see myself reconditioning old furniture (I have a project on going right now, you won't believe how great this will come!) and create new small furniture with my lover and partner and best friend. I see myself painting walls in different stylish ways, like painting rustic or vintage flowers, creating designs with stripes and creating 3D effect of the walls. For that, we do have to start somewhere and not think too much of the money. We have to make some sacrifices and go along with the flood and see what comes out of it. YOU need COURAGE, determination, inspiration, force, and - of course - money to begin with.

YES, I do believe that we, small people, can make the change. BUT only if we have enough courage to step out of the ordinary work-home-sleep routine and actually do something to abolish this slavery that is working for an employer, for a company! We need to come back to basics and start from the scratch. Do our own business, a small one that can help us live our lives manwise!

Have a great Tuesday!

Design. Interior Design

Design! No matter what, it's all about creative stuff! And, of course, something that can be use somehow!
This is one of the many passions I have: interior design. That fact that I've never finished an architecture school made me wonder about my abilities; I am ready to make a change, I'm trying different things (among which is medicine), but I am ready to start over?

Here are some web pages I've found, and wanna check back later.
London, Design Museum: http://designmuseum.org/ (http://designmuseum.org/exhibitions/2012/designs-of-the-year-2012)

The design observer group: http://designobserver.com/

Milk? No, it's Design Milk! http://design-milk.com/

And the one that includes many industries and I love it: Design org: http://design.org/


AND, OF COURSE, THIS ONE: FAB! http://designmuseumshop.com/

At the Design Museum shop we sell the most beautiful, innovative and intelligently designed products and publications from around the world. All proceeds go towards funding the museum.

I am love. I am happy. I can do it. I am a YES person!

Relocating may not be the key

Have no time, nor the patience to actually write about it, but I've found these web pages to meditate on: Where are we running and why we want to move: I want to live and work in Spain, UK citizens move in Spain as well looking for a better life, Italians want to live in UK, Bulgarian look forward to France and Israilians are relocating where ever they feel it's better, and for them anywhere else is better than the native country. BUT WHAT are we all hitting?! We all look for a better life, but we don't actually see the real problem: any place of the world might be hit by recession, and it wll be at some point, sooner or later. The economy as we know it and the monetary system are wrong, we have to change something. In this rhythm of consuming and over consuming the goods and services the Earth itself as well as the nations will go down. We cannot go back, but forward. And the forward step is to change something. We cannot continue like this.

Here are some web pages to consider: read them, study them, meditate on them!

1. http://money.cnn.com/2012/04/30/news/economy/spain-recession/index.htm
2. http://www.expatarrivals.com/spain/moving-to-spain
3. http://www.shelteroffshore.com/index.php/a/b/living-in-spain/
4. The one talking for itself: http://www.costablancauncovered.com/expat-stories/I-hate-Spain.html 
5. Moving Truck Courtesy of the Recession: What it's like to relocate because of the downturn. An articles about Americans. http://www.doublex.com/section/work/moving-truck-courtesy-recession

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We need to face big challenges in order to make this life worth living!

Hey you there,

Watch this video and follow her story: she quit her stable job just to figure it out what she was meant to do with this life! And I believe we should do the same. I mean, I've started, I'm half way, don't know where I am hitting, but still going. And I have applied to that Elance country representative position I've told you about. This could be it. What if? I will never know if I don't try! It could be a big fail or a HUGE step forward. Time will tell. But I'm telling you, I can picture myself out there, speaking in front of all those people in the brainstorming chamber and making them wanting for more. because I'll have to make people wish and struggle for a freelance job rather than a stable corporatist job. 

So this is it. Check it out and tell me what's you think! I haven't finished watching the video, but I just felt I have to share this with you before I lose my inspiration and forget to tell you about.

What else is to be said? We need to face big challenges in order to make this life worth living!

PS. I hope the page shows very well, let me know if you cannot see the video! 

Love Peace

What do I want?

I want to help people. To make them feel better about themselves. I want to help people find that inner self that lies inside every single person in this word. I want to teach young women not to let themselves beaten up. They should always fight for their rights. I want to 'open' the minds of the people lost into this every day frenzy. 

I am LOVE (Building my future)

This is when my future starts. As I've told you, I thing I've manage to figure it out what is what I want: to have a flexible, home, online-like job and to work from where ever I want and whenever I want, to be able to choose my  working time, when to sleep, when to eat, when to work! And all this are soooo possible right now, right in this moment! It all starts in here, starts right now! I have to believe this and make it true as no body is going to believe it for me, and even so, I HAVE TO believe in it! So I've decided to do more work and actually do what I want: handmade earrings and accessories and then sell them to people that appreciates the art of uniqueness at a fair price for me and for them. And I've just realized WHY I haven't sold anything until now: is because I haven't trust myself for what I am, a pure, unique person with beautiful, magnificent talent of doing special things. I work with LOVE. I am love!

This is what I most want to know. WHAT IS MY DESTINY? Why I am on this Earth? Why I came here? What is my mission? I have to find the answer at that question and in order to do that I'll have to follow my intuition, let go with the wind, with the race...be here, right here and right now. I cannot be somewhere else, but NOW. let the show begin!

It's really about listening

Sometimes life gives us signs we just don't want to see. This is how it was when I went to meet a friend met over the internet a few months ago: she was really into medicine, really decided to go for it, really over 29 and I said 'yeah, I'm not the only one over....some age now that chooses medicine'. I'm not the only crazy doing it. Or at least thinking about doing it...

But this is a long story, want to write more in detail about it - but I just realized that is more important to life now in this moment when I'm at my b/f's house than to type some skinny words in here. I mean, I can do this tomorrow when he's at work. :-) This is just a note to remaind me I need to write about this friend, about our visit to the faculty of medicine and how it was...

Note: I've met with my friend on Feb 23th.

I just got the answer

Yeah. just hitted me this morning when I was making my coffee : from all those things messed up in my life, one is for sure the fact that I'm still living with my parents. I love my parents and I'm happy I can still be at the same table with them every day. I come to the age that I almost feel they are growing so old that I can barely want to leave them. And that's not good for me. Nor for them. Then why am I still here? Because I have no choices. No money to move on my own. No possibilities to have my own house, not even to pay a rent. That because I don't want to be a slave again. NOT anymore. I feel I don't want to play this (corporation) game ever again. Going to work 8-10 hours a day won't worth all the money in the world~! I don't want to end up as a piece of poorless girl with no family of my own, being unable to smile to the sun, I want to actually relax after work, I want to be happy! And this is happiness for me: to do whatever you like (and enjoy and feel love for) and earn as few as you need, as much as you can take your head on the shoulders without being drawn in the process.

But I cannot do all this things without leaving the nest. I have to do something to {un-block} this situation. I'll never be a 100% a grown up responsable person until I do something about it.

feeling down, lost, little 'thing', less important.

I'm in deep pain. Hurt. Today I was not only rejected as a web content analyst, but also as a person. What am I doing with my life?!

I'm 30 and some. I'm not married. Have no kids. No house to call my own. No career. Not part of a big successful corporation. As a matter of fact, I hate big corporations for what they are, for the system and everything that comes with it. So, where I am?

At the beginning of grad school I didn't know where I was hitting. At the end, I wasn't even wondering myself what am I going to do next with my life. I had no plans, just a diploma paper and some luck. If I had that last one. I don't know, maybe. I consider myself a lucky woman and I feel blessed sometimes. But still, I don't know how to manage my life, what to do, how to organize it. Who am I kidding to? I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm frighten of this situation.

Let's start with what I do have. I have a shelter - maybe more than a shelter, a big house to live in, my parents' house, of course. I also have a 5 years old relationship with a fantastic amazing guy who loves me sooo much. I'm very grateful for that. I am lucky, really truly lucky. I have what to eat, and for that I have to be thankful, because not only that I have what to eat, but also I eat what I want and I can somehow manage to buy what I want to eat, which is very important because I love healthy food, with lots of fruits and veggies, which are not always cheep. So again, I am lucky. But I'm such a mess when it comes to my career. What I am doing to do about it?

I never been an work alcoholic or so, I left office at 6PM (or 5, if the case) and went straight home or downtown sometimes. I never been such a good learner either. So then I end up on doing just what needs to be done and nothing more. I've choose the faculty I've graduated because it was an easy one, or at least it seemed to be at that time. I was afraid to pick something different, such as medicine or something else because I was afraid to take responsibility for my actions. What is worse is that I'm still in the same situation: I want more money doing nothing and I don't want to be responsible. I am afraid I can not handle it. I don't know why, maybe because I was used like this, maybe because I had some bad "settings" from back when I was a child. Maybe my parents never encouraged me to do something different, to get out of the crowd, to say it out loud. But I got over this bashfulness when I was in my first university year and I've realized that people see me as I let them see me. So I changed and started to think more widely. The results came up almost instantly!

I don't want to work 8-10 hours a day for a pittance and not live my life as I want, close to my dear beloved ones. I want to be able to work from the comfort of my own home and that seems so hard to achieve right now. I feel like everything is going up-side-down when it comes to career and jobs. I have a very low paid job and I want another one to rise my earnings. But what can I do about it? I feel like I'm a poor translator, a poor writer, a poor everything-related-to-job. I feel I'm low much low below the standards and I'm frustrated because of that. I have no support from somebody who is also working on the field, I don't know anyone just so close to call my firnd and to ask question s (stupid beginners' questions!) without having a laugh on me! I'm jut wondering, what can I do about it?!

Kunder Broker - what a joke!

Kunder Broker - What a joke!

This week-end, me and my boyfriend attended an business seminary on how to do business, of course. The only thing that was not said in proper word was that one has to lie a lot in order to achieve her/his goal: to make that person to sign a contract, a life insurance that costs a lot of money (about 2500romanian lei - meaning about 1000$) - an amount that can be hardly paid one time (for the first year) and then quartly. But still, not nice. There are a few people that can pay that amount now when the crisis has come over.

Hear what you want - heh!

Yes, hear what you want to hear, not what you should or what you don't like. The people that held the training were using nice words, forgetting to say what was most important: this is not a job that can be made by anyone. Not anyone can do this kind of job: you have to be persuasive and have a really good view about the products and services provided. Instead of this, we got some bullshit bla-bla talk about the "easy" thing doing business, when the truth what totally different: you have to play the jack with one and another in order to bring them into your teem and then make them understand how it works and then, d'oh!, convince them to continue doing the same! Can you believe that? I mean, this guys have a lot of nervs to do this!

How to get rich when the crisis strikes

Who gets richer on the market in crisis times? Who else than someone who already has a lot of money and can play them very well to achieve the goal of having more and more!!!!?! Some insurance company, some outsourcing company or maybe own your bank and that's it! This guys are only investing in more and more money, wanting to cover all the market, to have more and more consultants to push the things further and further!

I made up my mind

And decided to stay with the health insurances when the moment will come. The only thing for that I'm going to "fight": it will be much more easier to convince people to sign with your company since they have nothing to pay. 2% will be held in the personal health insurance account. Starting with July or August, we don't know for sure- and I'm going to make as much as I can when the start is done, taking into consideration that the amount of money for each insurance signed will be around 40 euros. I just love this, yes. :) And can barely wait. Don't know if we are going to have a proper summer holiday this year, but for sure it will be full. Then, with the money we manage to save, maybe we'll buy something.

It's all done now

You won't believe this but I've decided!
Long time I was afraid of doing this and doing that. No, it's not about my persoanl relationship with my b/f, it's about me and me alone. I've decided to follow my childhood dream, that of being a doctor. So I've entered the Carol Davila University of Bucharest page and - as I was afraid of the dentist - this is what I'm going to do even if I'll finish the faculty when I'll be ...35. This is it. it's never too late to follow a dream. Now I just want to see if I past the admission exam because it's out of the question to pay for this ...the annual tax it's 5000 RON! a lot of money I don't have right now and don't know if I'll have them until this summer when the exam will take place. Although, it's not a bad idea to save some until then and put them together after all. Anyways, no one will know about this until I have passed the admission exam. After passing, I'll just see what I'm going to do and who I'm going to tell. Not sure if I should tell my dentist or...not. Not sure if I'm going to tell my mum and dad, or my sister. Not sure what I'm going to do with my actual partner, but at least I want to see if I pass this in budget. If yes, and so it will be, I'm going to follow it!

what goes around, comes around

So to say, I'm in the same situation and even started to wonder if I did what I had to.

Let's see: I was in a fight - we actually broke up (me and my b/f) on April 29, precisely on his b/d. I didn't do this to upset him, nor I did it in this particular day to make it hard for him. It just happened. I could not wait anymore. Now when writing this I've just realize that this can happen also to me on my b/d. God! Hope not! well, after doing this, we didn't talk for about 2 or 3 weeks or so...it was fuzzy for me because all this time I was with the other guy, even we did not make love, we did not had sexual contact, but there were kisses and a lot of hugs and hands going here and there...but nothing more. Time passed, but my ex.b/f used to call me from time to time, I had to pay an older duty and we met for a drink. I felt strange at that time, knowing he is not my b/f anymore. Why the huck I felt like this, I've started to wonder again. It is because I still have feelings for him or it was just a pity? I do not know! Then another week or maybe two passed away and I don't know why we started to email ourselves about things: link to pages, funny emails, news and stuff like that. I felt again strange doing this, because the emails were cold, lacking the goodbye words, so nice and sweet I find this. I was put in a difficult situation knowing that he is not my b/f anymore, but we were still talking, and he was sending me motivational email when he was the one left alone! The situation coundn't be more wierd than that! Then, one day, he called me or sent a sms on my mobile and asked for a getaway one day soon, for a pizza and a beer. Oh! I felt I couldn't refuse him and said 'yes'. It was on June 22 2009 when we met again and I knew that time is going to be different. We felt more comfortable with one each other and even flirt a little bit. After all, I told him from the beginning that I'm in a funny mood and feel like making jokes and talk stupid things. He was in the same mood and from one talk to another, between two slices of pizza, I find myself pushed by his hand into his lips; his lips were kissing me again and I felt I have no escape than to kiss him back. Not that I was forced to, but because I felt so very much! Don't know what happened that moment, but it was delicious! It was absolutely fantastic to fell his lips into mine again. And yes! I wanted that to happen again and it did happen again and again....that evening was, I don't know, but it was something unreal.

Then we met on that Tuesday precisely for no reason: just to see one another- I made him a surprise and called him with twenty mints before end of program and asked where he were to go home that day.....so we met...and kissed and act like we were together again! Met again for the week-end and spent it almost entirely together. And another weekend was this one that passed (June11-12) when we felt great together and even started to talk about marriage (again!?) and he started to call me "my dear wife", "my lovely wife" and so on.....and we are now looking for a house to move together...but there again, the same problem: money! :| As I don't have a job right now, it will be hard to manage things....and I may find one job, even two because I'm a freelancer, but all of them have to be permanent, and one precisely I really want to be assigned is one of translation some articles on a web site, a job that I really enjoy.
We'll be back, cos this is not all.

like wow~

let's try to remember. it's been so long since my last blog entry and I know I've let you down with all the stuff, but! I'm going to summarize all that happen all this time.
now we are on January 18th 2009 and the time it's accelerating even more. On October 15th 2007 I had my nose operation and got it very well, meaning that the recovery after the operation went really fast and well. I did not had yellow eyes ;)) nor violet circles around the eyes. in one week I was brand-new! Then came up the actually recovery after the surgery; it was cold outside and could not go anywhere. I had to stay at home almost all the time: whenever I tried to go outside, my nose felt like I was holding a piece of ice right on the nose bone. It was horrible! But then the spring 'came into house' and everything changed. it was beautiful to breath so nicely and easily! I couldn't believe my nose! LOL! Not to mention that the doctor worked it a bit and did a great job when you think that he is a ORL doctor, not a plastic surgeon~ I'm so proud not of my nose!

On the other hand, on April 14th 2008 I found a new job, couldn't stand to sit at home doing nothing, with no money of my own. So I decided to go to a job fare and search for a actually better paid job than the previous one and guess what?! I've received a phone call a few days later saying I'm invited to an interview. It was from a bank, a banking news! LOL. Never expected to work in a bank and here I am! I'm still working in that bank! Isn't that great? The only think is that now we are going thru a financial crisis as you may all know already. And there may be some personal reorganization and ...uh, I don't know what it will be. In fact, I have already set a new interview with the bank representative in order to see what it will be like and if I still have the chance to work for the company or....I'll have to find a new employer. I will know it right the way. Or at least I hope so, my nose never left me down. Not till now. So,....I'll just know if they want me or not. I guess they will tell me more, because we already had a previous general meeting with all the other employees and they told us...nothing. Meaning that they turned the words so nice from one hand to another that you cannot actually understand a think. Not even one. Because they want to keep us in stand-by until they decide which one suits the best to their standards. Pfff!!!! Very clever, but also very rude.