The change is in the air!

"WHAT DO YOU want? Most of us have forgotten how to dream outside of our sleeping world. For some reason, the little kid in us—the one who has no problem suspending reality in favor of Fantasy Island—has gone to sleep.Maybe it’s because all of our dreams have been shot down in favor of the practicalities of making a living and putting food on the table. Maybe we’re afraid to step out and take a chance to think of a world filled with unlimited possibilities. Reasons abound to justify why we don’t dream. All of my mentors and heroes are dreamers. If they can do it, why can’t I?"

And I gotta tell you: I sit back and look back into my life and see that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. And this has to change. Now. I mean NOW! 
What do you think needs to be changed in 2013? What are your dreams that you're keep thinking every day without doing nothing in return? 

feeling down, lost, little 'thing', less important.

I'm in deep pain. Hurt. Today I was not only rejected as a web content analyst, but also as a person. What am I doing with my life?!

I'm 30 and some. I'm not married. Have no kids. No house to call my own. No career. Not part of a big successful corporation. As a matter of fact, I hate big corporations for what they are, for the system and everything that comes with it. So, where I am?

At the beginning of grad school I didn't know where I was hitting. At the end, I wasn't even wondering myself what am I going to do next with my life. I had no plans, just a diploma paper and some luck. If I had that last one. I don't know, maybe. I consider myself a lucky woman and I feel blessed sometimes. But still, I don't know how to manage my life, what to do, how to organize it. Who am I kidding to? I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm frighten of this situation.

Let's start with what I do have. I have a shelter - maybe more than a shelter, a big house to live in, my parents' house, of course. I also have a 5 years old relationship with a fantastic amazing guy who loves me sooo much. I'm very grateful for that. I am lucky, really truly lucky. I have what to eat, and for that I have to be thankful, because not only that I have what to eat, but also I eat what I want and I can somehow manage to buy what I want to eat, which is very important because I love healthy food, with lots of fruits and veggies, which are not always cheep. So again, I am lucky. But I'm such a mess when it comes to my career. What I am doing to do about it?

I never been an work alcoholic or so, I left office at 6PM (or 5, if the case) and went straight home or downtown sometimes. I never been such a good learner either. So then I end up on doing just what needs to be done and nothing more. I've choose the faculty I've graduated because it was an easy one, or at least it seemed to be at that time. I was afraid to pick something different, such as medicine or something else because I was afraid to take responsibility for my actions. What is worse is that I'm still in the same situation: I want more money doing nothing and I don't want to be responsible. I am afraid I can not handle it. I don't know why, maybe because I was used like this, maybe because I had some bad "settings" from back when I was a child. Maybe my parents never encouraged me to do something different, to get out of the crowd, to say it out loud. But I got over this bashfulness when I was in my first university year and I've realized that people see me as I let them see me. So I changed and started to think more widely. The results came up almost instantly!

I don't want to work 8-10 hours a day for a pittance and not live my life as I want, close to my dear beloved ones. I want to be able to work from the comfort of my own home and that seems so hard to achieve right now. I feel like everything is going up-side-down when it comes to career and jobs. I have a very low paid job and I want another one to rise my earnings. But what can I do about it? I feel like I'm a poor translator, a poor writer, a poor everything-related-to-job. I feel I'm low much low below the standards and I'm frustrated because of that. I have no support from somebody who is also working on the field, I don't know anyone just so close to call my firnd and to ask question s (stupid beginners' questions!) without having a laugh on me! I'm jut wondering, what can I do about it?!

how my lover drives me crazy

I mean really crazy, mad!!!
why I'm saying this?
well...because he lied to me about one stupid thing and still I cannot recall because I am still under shock! I never would have thought he will do such I thing!
well, let's see what happened:
An old university colleague was in town the other day and she called so we could all meet downtown. I say 'we' cos there were nine of us going out. Firstly, everything was set to 7pm, but when we already decided not to go, my lover received a phone call from another ex-colleague saying he and his g/f are changing plans and show up at the meeting, but that everything was now set for 9pm and besides that he inform us that we have a club reservation made by another ex-colleague which had a major contribution to this situation; not only that he convinced my b/f to go, but he also told him about the fact that the club reservation will cost us all 160 ron per total, and we all have to pay a little part of it. - THE fact that really drove me crazy was that my b/f didn't mention a anything about this, about the fact that 160 ron will be paid for a bottle of whisky (which, by the way, it's not my favorite drink!!!!) that will be served as soon as we sit to our table.
Now I'm furious about this situation and with all this I really want to let it go, forget it, forgive him and forget about all this situation. It's not only about the money - which, by the way, could have been spent otherwise - but about the fact that he didn't come clean and tell the truth. Maybe next time I should stay home and read a book and don't bother with this clubbing night outs!