Women's Day

Lovely day, I said to myself this morning at about 10AM. Then it really was, until I got to hear my mother saying out loud: we have water at the underground floor! WHAT???! What happened? Later I've heard that some piping in the other bathroom when flushing the toilet was the problem that caused the flood. Was then when I understand what happened: the toilet jar was moved a little and the pipes where removed from the wall. Or something like that ....and the water found its way to make a bit...bit flood. So big, that we had to work for about 2 hours and a half to make it clean. We have to clean almost all the house, except 2 bedrooms where the water was not so high...but 2 bedrooms (lucky, there were only some boxes with stuff, no furniture!) were severely damaged and the work to make it clean was terrible. I had muscle pains for about 2-3 days after...

Anyway, the weird thing is that we don't know exactly what made that toilet jar to move or who flushed the toilet so that the system then blocked and the water keep running out of the toilet tank causing the flood.

SELF.COM - is it only about self?

Some pasta idea I've found the other day at self.com, an lifestyle website with catchy eye! I love the SEX & LOVE section, full of cozy articles to laugh about, especially when you had the consciousness not to let yourself fooled by some society rule that indicates the dead-line for a marriage, the time-running for having a baby and so on...! Drop all this! Life cannot be "walled" into some magazine article, you have to follow your heart, do what your intuition tells you and never do stupid compromises that can put in danger your integrity!

Anyway, I've tried that recipe, but made it a little different: no meat, just tomatoes, union, garlic, a little water, some oregano and or course, pasta!!! ;-) It was delicious! I had a little bit rest from yesterday and ate it for lunch today.

Also browse Self Blogs, how having more firends could get you a better career! (oww!)

Also, I've entered my chance in some online coffee shop and I've realized I haven't tried my coffee at PAUL'S today, when it's Women's Day!

I've spent about $15 this month for the women's magazines...

As I reviewing the magazines I've brought the other day, I've realized that out there are women who are actually gift hunters, staying right there are waiting for a magazine to get out of the print and get on the news stand. Is this actually a sport or something? How many women do this on a regular basis? Do this women need the products offered as a gift along the magazines??

As I was wondering that, I could not notice the fact that I was one of them this March. I went to the news stand to actually shark the magazines with the gifts inside and measure their potencial: do I need that lip stick? Is that shampoo what I should use for my hair? How about that hand cream?!? I couldn't decide what I need the most, so I've took one AVON pink lips stick, one ALMOND Watson shampoo and...that's about it. I would have loved that lip gloss too, BUT I've decided to buy Cosmopolitan without it. What a pity! it was only half dollar more than the regular price. But I had no clue!

Anyway, this 'sport' can get us all if we don't pay attention. I've spent about $15 this month for the women's magazines...BUT I did so thinking that this is March, the women's month, and I'm gonna treat myself in every way. As a matter a fact, I'm going to pay a visit to Paul's, my fancy cafeteria I was telling you about and haven't finished the whole story...

I am LOVE (Building my future)

This is when my future starts. As I've told you, I thing I've manage to figure it out what is what I want: to have a flexible, home, online-like job and to work from where ever I want and whenever I want, to be able to choose my  working time, when to sleep, when to eat, when to work! And all this are soooo possible right now, right in this moment! It all starts in here, starts right now! I have to believe this and make it true as no body is going to believe it for me, and even so, I HAVE TO believe in it! So I've decided to do more work and actually do what I want: handmade earrings and accessories and then sell them to people that appreciates the art of uniqueness at a fair price for me and for them. And I've just realized WHY I haven't sold anything until now: is because I haven't trust myself for what I am, a pure, unique person with beautiful, magnificent talent of doing special things. I work with LOVE. I am love!

This is what I most want to know. WHAT IS MY DESTINY? Why I am on this Earth? Why I came here? What is my mission? I have to find the answer at that question and in order to do that I'll have to follow my intuition, let go with the wind, with the race...be here, right here and right now. I cannot be somewhere else, but NOW. let the show begin!

When the sun comes up

I like early mornings. Correction: I love them! It's that part of the day that has such an incredible energy and you feel you have a long way ahead. You can drink your coffee and set for the day, build up your schedule and see what's do be done for the day. Mornings have something special, like also have the late nights. But I realize this feeling has to do with the ones biorhythm - not all people are full of energy in the morning. I like to be up very early just because the sun invades my bedroom with its light, and I have a yellow-orange wall where the sun rays create magnificent spectacular appearance. I like early mornings with coffee and biscuits, in front of my computer setting the tasks for the day. I love summer early mornings and now that we are getting over winter, I have to say I'm anxious  for summer to come because being March already transformed the day from a short one to a pretty long-light one! :-)

I'm gonna bring my coffee and then I'll get back to some writing expecting to be finished!

And there it was

When you think we are looking and keep looking for answers all over the place, when they are deep inside us and deep...near us. At hand. We just need that state of mind to let them out. So earlier today I was listening quite buddha bar like music and there it hit me! Why don't I and can't I leave the country?! The answer was right in front of my eyes, my counscious was answering me all the questions in the world. It is because here I can still go out and  still can pay my bills and still can buy some fancy (not brand, though!) clothes. Because if I move I might have to work my ass very hard every single day to pay my rent, pay my bills, pay for food and all this. Here I have a part of them as I don;t have to pay rent and the living house facilities.

I'll be back later, it's a sunny day and I want to enjoy it with my lover.
Last night to went to see a play at the Nottara. it was fantastic. Later with details!

3 Things to do this month

This month is the start for the spring and there are some things that you absolutely should not miss this month! At least, I know I won't!

1). Flowers, flowers...
First of all, I want a month full with flowers of all kind. Flowers are very expensive on March 1st and March 8th, which are known to be the women's days and flower shops are into taking all the tribute for that, blowing the prices for every single flower. But after March 10th, things tend to set down and you can actually buy flowers at their real price.
2). Smile more often.
Yes, I like to believe I'm a smiley person, but am I...really? I mean, I like to think I'm an optimistic powerful woman, but when it comes to really do the things, it seems harder than expected. A smile shouldn't cost that much. Right?
3). Focus on things and actions that really really matters.
Like studying for my medicine admission and focusing more on chemistry. Reading more books and spending less time "flickring" the internet and Facebook or Yahoo! messenger.

All that said, I really think I should come back to this posting from time to time, like once a week, just to remember what I set my mind to!

Women INPOWER!

Yes! March has arrived in town! This month is my month and for that I've bought all the glossy magazines for women that I could buy! Especially those including gifts! Among those, I can mention Cosmopolitan, JOY, Beau Monde, and others, but I'm thinking to buy even WOMENS and other magazines with gifts, if those gifts in question satisfy my interests when talking to beauty products.

Anyway, I have to go now, get my boots out of the house, wear my natural smile and buy some great gifts! ;-) see you all later!

Precious Life and Precious Moments

I was just doing my routine when I hear the phone ring. I pick up the phone and answered: at the other side was my dear friend, calling me back after we had a short talk earlier today. She was at work and couldn't talk bacause she was about to go on air.
After hearing what she was saying, I stood a moment and thought about what she said: a dear friend and colleague has cancer and she is mixed up with feelings, wondering how she may help and so many other things going through her mind. I've listened her voice while my mind was giving the verdict: I am perfectly happy and I can yell out loud so every singly man can hear me! I AM HAPPY! I am healthy! I am incredibly lucky! I am loved! I am blessed to live the life I live! Yes I am! And as I was ending the conversation, I knew I am in the right moment, in the right position, in the perfect time of my life. I don't have kids, but I will be a mother one day. I am not married, but I don't want to be married so much. After all, what is that - a paper you cannot use! Why get married!? When talking about kids, that's something else, but marriage? Why do it when I don't need it? I am perfectly well as I am and I'm glad and thankful for all I have!

God bless you all!

I've found happiness. What do I do with it?

Not taking medicine classes when I should, not having the house of my dreams, not going into the hot vacations as I wish, etecetera...all this made me wonder: Is there happiness when we achieve all this or is just an illusion? Do we have to have them all to be happy?


Back to happiness, what do you think it takes to make one happy? It depends on the person in question, I guess. If you ask me, I would be happy to travel a little bit with my boyfriend around the world, see the most important attractions in Europe, walk down the streets of Barcelona, or having an early morning coffee at a cozy coffee shop. I would love that. But we should all create happiness everyday, every single day we can be happy just the way we are, not wanting things we cannot have. Maybe that's why we struggle so much to see Europe, because we cannot afford it.Can we afford to be happy, even thought?!

In the meanwhile, I took my time to boil some tea and refresh myself with some exotic scents. It feels like spring is on the way, but the snow flakes showing off the window say something else. This may take a while. I want to move my butt and walk outside the house, but it's like something is holding me against. I don't know what it is, but I have to move once for all.

It's really about listening

Sometimes life gives us signs we just don't want to see. This is how it was when I went to meet a friend met over the internet a few months ago: she was really into medicine, really decided to go for it, really over 29 and I said 'yeah, I'm not the only one over....some age now that chooses medicine'. I'm not the only crazy doing it. Or at least thinking about doing it...

But this is a long story, want to write more in detail about it - but I just realized that is more important to life now in this moment when I'm at my b/f's house than to type some skinny words in here. I mean, I can do this tomorrow when he's at work. :-) This is just a note to remaind me I need to write about this friend, about our visit to the faculty of medicine and how it was...

Note: I've met with my friend on Feb 23th.

Two days before, two days after

In the endless ocean of life we tend to do things particulary as we were taught: do what you have to do, when you have to do it. And if you're lucky enough, you'll get what you deserve. But when it comes to what is wrong and what is right, in love you never know what your tactics may stand for. You cannot say that will happen this or that, you never know what will change over night. You have no control over it. And when it comes to past experiences, the fog is ever growing bigger.

Four days ago I was on my way to see a dear friend, who happens to be one of my ex college mates, and when I cross the street, there I saw him. No, not my mate, but my first love. No surprise that he was standing there, at about 400 meters away from me, because he is my neighbour for more than 15 years. But still, it was a surprise to see him again. It seemed changed to me, a little bit thinner and taller, with the same face and eyes like always. I looked at him for a few seconds and then I forced myself to look away: I was too drawn into his "view" and I could lose myself in that direction, not to mention that he could very well see me. But I didn't want him to see me at all. Really? I wonder. After a few steps forward, my mind started to "dance" into scenarios and pop up every time I have his image in front of my eyes. After awhile, I started to wonder myself why in the world I have not took the shorter way that brings me right in front of his house (where he was trying to make place for his "white-snowed-car") and stood there for about 1 minute or so, so he could actually see me, watch me, notice me. And do nothing (I guess). Just stand there and watch him as he was doing his job. Just like that. And face him. Of course. That is the trick: face him seems the hardest thing in the world for me, it always was, and I'm afraid it always will be. I should stay stud right in from of him, no matter what. What if he was not going to say 'hi' or anything at all? So what!? People can pass by and watch other people.

Greece it's too far away

Yeah. I'm saying that because these days Greece is facing a new influx of manifestation that made Greece not such a good place to be. I totally agree with the fact thay need  more money - so we do - but doing this to your ouw contry won't lead to anything good. I'm afraid for that matter. I really wanted to join this summer into Greece beauty spot, but they give me now no possibility but to focus on some other destination.

I pick up Spain. I love Spain, I love Spanish, I love that latin language that makes my blood run very fast. I love the contry. I love it so much that I could even move there and start a new life. But there are things and people that keep me in here, in my natal contry that I only have the dream, but not the reality. My parents are not younger any more. Even if they are not old, they need my presence here. My sister ain't of too much help in this dirrection. She aways finds some way not to be present when you need her, not to come to the meetings you set up, not to do things as they should be done, as she pretends to do it, but never does.

I hate this situation and maybe the situation hates me. Who knows?! I only know I want more from life, more to live for and I'm going to do something about it. Or.....


....or maybe not. I already have what others can only dream of: a family, a happy one, a boyfriend who is not in a rush to get marry (Saint God!), a very well paid job (not so well, but it's ok) and that kind of job you really enjoy and feel pleasure doing. What else can I ask for?! Well, no, don't say "nothing". There are plenty of things that need to be done, ned to concur. But I love my life as it is right now, even if I don't love every piece of it. After all, this is life. What is life without a piece of bitter nectar? :-)

Holi-Holi-Holiday!

I'm dizzy. And lazzy. I would rather read my "With every day" romance book than to pack my things. Even if I'm packing for the sea side vacation which I expect for so long. And maybe that's because I've heard some news about the breaking weather or the poor water condition. The fact is that I'm not in the mood because this is not what I so much wanted for our holiday. There's nothing sure that we will somwhow manage to go to Greece at the end of the summer, somewhere in August or Septeber when we weather is very warm and it's a pleasure to be there.
Well, instead of Greece I got Black Sea again and that's not the best option so far. We have to stick with it and enjoy our trip to paradise. I'm greatful I can see any sea this year, when others cannot even leave their houses for one weekend! I'm more concern about the sea weed being present into the water, making it very unpleasant.

I'll go back to packing...and then to that fancy reading!

how it feels to be in a flap

Was still rainging when we got home. My mother insisted that we should go in spite of the nervous rainy drops that were rushing washing the street. She was afraid that the water may find its way to our cellar and that we would have to work to dry it up. ..again. Because that was not the first time when she was afraid. Not the first time to have water in there. She still thinks that water will come in and she'll have to work it out.
Luckly, th sun came up after a while when the rain seemed not to stop for at least a few hours. But no! we have sun again and even so, I feel sleepy. I woke up at 7Am after going to bed at 1AM...uhhh, I thought I'm going to sleep until 8:30 or so to get to my 10AM appointment I had to the nutritionist this morning, but got up way too early.


Earlier I had a fight with my mum. Everything begun from the fact that I'm not capble to fix my room "as it should be", or at least as she thinks it should be fixed. I'm young. And still living with my parents. Not that young for that. And sometimes I feel I should do something about it, like take a poor job, move somewhere with my b/f and see what comes from this. I even think to start a vc job. Maybe something good (money) will come from this. But I have to do this on a regular basis and I feel I cannot do it like this. It seems too boring for me, to vanny, to clever to twist men's mind in order to get a pay per mint. Find it somehow outgrageous even they know what they are paying for. Anyway, this is the problem, I have to move on. Have to clean all the stuff in my life, have to move it on, throw all the unnecessary things to garbage, try not to bring new un-necessary ones, have to figure it out whether I want a baby now or I want to start working somewhere outside the contry. I don't know. That come thru my mind so many times and my b/f is so encouraging me to do it, that I almost feel I can actually do it. And why wouldn't I? I'm a can do person. I ought to be. ;-) After all, if you think you can do it, you can really do it. And my b/f wants to join me in this journey.

I just got the answer

Yeah. just hitted me this morning when I was making my coffee : from all those things messed up in my life, one is for sure the fact that I'm still living with my parents. I love my parents and I'm happy I can still be at the same table with them every day. I come to the age that I almost feel they are growing so old that I can barely want to leave them. And that's not good for me. Nor for them. Then why am I still here? Because I have no choices. No money to move on my own. No possibilities to have my own house, not even to pay a rent. That because I don't want to be a slave again. NOT anymore. I feel I don't want to play this (corporation) game ever again. Going to work 8-10 hours a day won't worth all the money in the world~! I don't want to end up as a piece of poorless girl with no family of my own, being unable to smile to the sun, I want to actually relax after work, I want to be happy! And this is happiness for me: to do whatever you like (and enjoy and feel love for) and earn as few as you need, as much as you can take your head on the shoulders without being drawn in the process.

But I cannot do all this things without leaving the nest. I have to do something to {un-block} this situation. I'll never be a 100% a grown up responsable person until I do something about it.

feeling down, lost, little 'thing', less important.

I'm in deep pain. Hurt. Today I was not only rejected as a web content analyst, but also as a person. What am I doing with my life?!

I'm 30 and some. I'm not married. Have no kids. No house to call my own. No career. Not part of a big successful corporation. As a matter of fact, I hate big corporations for what they are, for the system and everything that comes with it. So, where I am?

At the beginning of grad school I didn't know where I was hitting. At the end, I wasn't even wondering myself what am I going to do next with my life. I had no plans, just a diploma paper and some luck. If I had that last one. I don't know, maybe. I consider myself a lucky woman and I feel blessed sometimes. But still, I don't know how to manage my life, what to do, how to organize it. Who am I kidding to? I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm frighten of this situation.

Let's start with what I do have. I have a shelter - maybe more than a shelter, a big house to live in, my parents' house, of course. I also have a 5 years old relationship with a fantastic amazing guy who loves me sooo much. I'm very grateful for that. I am lucky, really truly lucky. I have what to eat, and for that I have to be thankful, because not only that I have what to eat, but also I eat what I want and I can somehow manage to buy what I want to eat, which is very important because I love healthy food, with lots of fruits and veggies, which are not always cheep. So again, I am lucky. But I'm such a mess when it comes to my career. What I am doing to do about it?

I never been an work alcoholic or so, I left office at 6PM (or 5, if the case) and went straight home or downtown sometimes. I never been such a good learner either. So then I end up on doing just what needs to be done and nothing more. I've choose the faculty I've graduated because it was an easy one, or at least it seemed to be at that time. I was afraid to pick something different, such as medicine or something else because I was afraid to take responsibility for my actions. What is worse is that I'm still in the same situation: I want more money doing nothing and I don't want to be responsible. I am afraid I can not handle it. I don't know why, maybe because I was used like this, maybe because I had some bad "settings" from back when I was a child. Maybe my parents never encouraged me to do something different, to get out of the crowd, to say it out loud. But I got over this bashfulness when I was in my first university year and I've realized that people see me as I let them see me. So I changed and started to think more widely. The results came up almost instantly!

I don't want to work 8-10 hours a day for a pittance and not live my life as I want, close to my dear beloved ones. I want to be able to work from the comfort of my own home and that seems so hard to achieve right now. I feel like everything is going up-side-down when it comes to career and jobs. I have a very low paid job and I want another one to rise my earnings. But what can I do about it? I feel like I'm a poor translator, a poor writer, a poor everything-related-to-job. I feel I'm low much low below the standards and I'm frustrated because of that. I have no support from somebody who is also working on the field, I don't know anyone just so close to call my firnd and to ask question s (stupid beginners' questions!) without having a laugh on me! I'm jut wondering, what can I do about it?!

Sundays are always lazy ;-)

This morning I woke up with the mind set for coffee. That kind of coffee that you only get to drink at home, made with your own hands and served with love in the intimacy of your living room. Or maybe in the back yard. :-)

But when I actually stand up I could feel that pain in the lower stomach saying that's not a good day for coffee, instead I should try some green smoothie or a tea. So I've made this incredible green smoothie using 3 big indregients: 2 green apples, 1 green pear (green, but sweeeet!) and a few (5-6) leaves of green cabbage. What it came out was something sooo sweet and tasty that I drunk all that juicy almost instantly!

Now I have to do something with this ovarian pain, but I think I'll just bath myself into warm horse tail infusion that is recommended for this kind of pain.


But the ovarian pain is not the problem. Today I "felt down the bridge" when I saw that my application to a job that I actually wanted to such was rejected. It kind hurt my feelings as I was already thinking how would be to work for this company (a big one). I guess it was my fault at some point, when I had my first interview I prefered to type instead of talking which was not a good thing for me, and well...then - maybe the tests were not good, I don't know. And another thing - little detail I've noticed after I sent one last message to the employer was that I typed by mistake "testes" instead of "tests" which may be counting for the job. :| Anyway, this is it, I'll have to move on and start looking for other jobs on the market. The thing is that they contacted me and I thought I really have the chance to have this job.

what's with this back pain?

After all, today may be a rainy day after the day it started with a lot of sun smiling at my happy face. :-) I woke up early, at 7:30Am and got my b/f into shape for a new day of work! Then we had some breakfast, put some clothes on and hit the door. We actually step outside with a coffee {vanilla and caramelo} frappe in mind, and end up on a fancy terrace down town. It was nice, but not very quiet. The cars were running by making a lot of noise, but we just had our coffee and smile to the world.

Well, the things are not that pinky as I painted them to be, but at least we try out best. My b/f is frustrated because of work, I'm in the middle of a job requiting and I have to pass some tests before they accept me for this job, we are planning to go on vacantion this summer - twice actually - and we are very tight with the money: he wants to leave this job and stay focused only on web-design presentations, to take some small jobs and make a portofolio so he can later rely on the earnings from this job. But it's catchy, because as soon as he will leave his actual job, he will be out of money for a while - or at least with a very few he saved for this - and he is worried about this: what if he's not going to make it, what is he is not capable to undergo this and so on. He is even thinking that I may be leaving him because he has no money! That's a totally bullsh#t and I had to assure him that everything is  going to be fine, he doesn't need to be worry about this. I haven't told him this, but he really made me feel bad and unconfortable saying and believing that!

What I'm worried about now is my back pain. I got this pain from about 5 days now and I suppose is because of my computer working and inactivity. I'm not a sporty person and I don't know if I'll ever be, but at least I should try to move my ass more ofter in the park, jogging and stuff. But I just can't do this all by myself. I need somebody to be with me ...anyway, this is not a good moment to start running here and there, not until I get to see my doctor and find out what the huch is going on and most of all ---- what is to be done!  Oh! and another thing. Yesterday I had my blood tests done and I can wait for the results. Unlikely, I'm not scared, but anxious to find out the result and take action - if needed. I'm saying that because of my 80-90% raw food diet that I'm taking from about 4 months now (4 months on 11.05.2011). I just realised now that are 4 months, and not 3! God! I hope I can still eat some fish sometimes. Anyway, because I was affraid or not, I just had some cheese from time to time, very little few pieces of cheese. It was OK I huess since I was not in stomach pain and the next day (after eating that) I eat only raw food. But the thing is that I want to eat some eggs and cheese from time to time, let's say once at 2-3 weeks or so.
That's OK from now. I got a terrible back pain (but I'm sure there are pains worse than what I feel right now~) and I'll just run from the computer! lol~

A totally odd meeting

Today I had the most strainge meeting ever. I met with an old friend, more like an contact than a friend, that I met seven years ago. He was almost unchanged and at the beginning I was blind about his intentions. I thought this is going to be a totaly free, pleasant discution between two adults, but all it was it was manipulation.
From the beginning I start to feel a little bit strange because he let me do the talk and listen to me to the point when I've realize that all he was after was to hear my version and a little about my current situation, catch