Friday, March 20, 2009

some things I don't understand.

hello all,

I'm back with news and I'll try to put it all in here.
Again, it's been a while since I last put an sentence in here, but that's not so important. In the mean while, I had a fight with my actual b/f and we took this very serious, so serious that we just broke up and for about 1 month or so we were separeted, but we did talked on the phone sometimes. That month seemed like months and 6 months or so, and I said to myself at that time I won't let that happen again. But here we go and after 4 months I found myself in some kind of confussion like I was (or almost) before. I don't know if I want my b/f to be my husband, and I don't know if I can do something about it. I see myself near him and I wonder if he could stand for me when I need him, taking into consideration the fact that he is shorter than I am and he is also shy. I mean shy...cos I've tryed to take that from him and actually really did it somehow, but I don't know why it is all comming back to me, to us. I mean, there are times when he can stand and see his value perfectlly and some other times when he is so shy that he can barely ake action in one situation or another. I don't really know what do to; if only I I could know....but, this is it. On the other hand, he gives me the force and balance to do whatever I need to to, he give me the straight to fight for myself, he gives me power. And he means peace for my soul. I don't understand why I want more than that.  Cos there are guys I fantesies with and i cannot help it. One brand-new is my dentist who's my age and has a crush on me. I didn't do anything about it, it just happent and this is it. I mean, he just likes me very much and when he sees me, his chees go red and bloowing. Why is this happening?! AT the beggining I said it is nothing, didn't notice all this stuff, but then I stared to like it. I mean - I like the fact that he likes me and I also started to like him. Yes...oh! What that suppose to mean? I know I love my b/f, but then why do I have fantasies with my dentist?! Are fantasies that I do know how if will become real, but they are there, in my head, in my mind. I cannot take then out of my mind. What I'm going to do? And know I even started to think about the fact that soon we are not going to see each other as often as it happens now, becouse he will finish the work with my teeth....we'll see what comes out of it.

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