Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Precious Life and Precious Moments

I was just doing my routine when I hear the phone ring. I pick up the phone and answered: at the other side was my dear friend, calling me back after we had a short talk earlier today. She was at work and couldn't talk bacause she was about to go on air.
After hearing what she was saying, I stood a moment and thought about what she said: a dear friend and colleague has cancer and she is mixed up with feelings, wondering how she may help and so many other things going through her mind. I've listened her voice while my mind was giving the verdict: I am perfectly happy and I can yell out loud so every singly man can hear me! I AM HAPPY! I am healthy! I am incredibly lucky! I am loved! I am blessed to live the life I live! Yes I am! And as I was ending the conversation, I knew I am in the right moment, in the right position, in the perfect time of my life. I don't have kids, but I will be a mother one day. I am not married, but I don't want to be married so much. After all, what is that - a paper you cannot use! Why get married!? When talking about kids, that's something else, but marriage? Why do it when I don't need it? I am perfectly well as I am and I'm glad and thankful for all I have!

God bless you all!

I've found happiness. What do I do with it?

Not taking medicine classes when I should, not having the house of my dreams, not going into the hot vacations as I wish, etecetera...all this made me wonder: Is there happiness when we achieve all this or is just an illusion? Do we have to have them all to be happy?

Back to happiness, what do you think it takes to make one happy? It depends on the person in question, I guess. If you ask me, I would be happy to travel a little bit with my boyfriend around the world, see the most important attractions in Europe, walk down the streets of Barcelona, or having an early morning coffee at a cozy coffee shop. I would love that. But we should all create happiness everyday, every single day we can be happy just the way we are, not wanting things we cannot have. Maybe that's why we struggle so much to see Europe, because we cannot afford it.Can we afford to be happy, even thought?!

In the meanwhile, I took my time to boil some tea and refresh myself with some exotic scents. It feels like spring is on the way, but the snow flakes showing off the window say something else. This may take a while. I want to move my butt and walk outside the house, but it's like something is holding me against. I don't know what it is, but I have to move once for all.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

It's really about listening

Sometimes life gives us signs we just don't want to see. This is how it was when I went to meet a friend met over the internet a few months ago: she was really into medicine, really decided to go for it, really over 29 and I said 'yeah, I'm not the only one over....some age now that chooses medicine'. I'm not the only crazy doing it. Or at least thinking about doing it...

But this is a long story, want to write more in detail about it - but I just realized that is more important to life now in this moment when I'm at my b/f's house than to type some skinny words in here. I mean, I can do this tomorrow when he's at work. :-) This is just a note to remaind me I need to write about this friend, about our visit to the faculty of medicine and how it was...

Note: I've met with my friend on Feb 23th.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Two days before, two days after

In the endless ocean of life we tend to do things particulary as we were taught: do what you have to do, when you have to do it. And if you're lucky enough, you'll get what you deserve. But when it comes to what is wrong and what is right, in love you never know what your tactics may stand for. You cannot say that will happen this or that, you never know what will change over night. You have no control over it. And when it comes to past experiences, the fog is ever growing bigger.

Four days ago I was on my way to see a dear friend, who happens to be one of my ex college mates, and when I cross the street, there I saw him. No, not my mate, but my first love. No surprise that he was standing there, at about 400 meters away from me, because he is my neighbour for more than 15 years. But still, it was a surprise to see him again. It seemed changed to me, a little bit thinner and taller, with the same face and eyes like always. I looked at him for a few seconds and then I forced myself to look away: I was too drawn into his "view" and I could lose myself in that direction, not to mention that he could very well see me. But I didn't want him to see me at all. Really? I wonder. After a few steps forward, my mind started to "dance" into scenarios and pop up every time I have his image in front of my eyes. After awhile, I started to wonder myself why in the world I have not took the shorter way that brings me right in front of his house (where he was trying to make place for his "white-snowed-car") and stood there for about 1 minute or so, so he could actually see me, watch me, notice me. And do nothing (I guess). Just stand there and watch him as he was doing his job. Just like that. And face him. Of course. That is the trick: face him seems the hardest thing in the world for me, it always was, and I'm afraid it always will be. I should stay stud right in from of him, no matter what. What if he was not going to say 'hi' or anything at all? So what!? People can pass by and watch other people.