Today I had the most strainge meeting ever. I met with an old friend, more like an contact than a friend, that I met seven years ago. He was almost unchanged and at the beginning I was blind about his intentions. I thought this is going to be a totaly free, pleasant discution between two adults, but all it was it was manipulation.
From the beginning I start to feel a little bit strange because he let me do the talk and listen to me to the point when I've realize that all he was after was to hear my version and a little about my current situation, catch
some yarn and darn on it. So I've made the mistake telling him about my attacks of panic and this was it: then he started to draw conclusions on that, telling me I need help, that I'm vulnerable, that he doesn't see me with an good eye, that I may need therapy, or that I should start the therapy immediately ....with him. I forgot to mention that he is psychologist and for that matter he thinks he knows everything! Oh, I didn't realized when we were sitting at the table and drinking our fresh orange juices, but when we were on our way to the sub station I see it all: he was intended to manipulate me, to make me believe I'm in great need, I desperately need his help and so on just to make me fall in his arms! God Lord! How someone can even think like that? and how can he think he may have a chance when I told him (and let him understand) that I'm not interested in a relationship with him!?!?!?! For God's Sake, why do some people, especially men, don't give up when they are told so? I mean, really told so, no under-senses or something related. And then, when I told him that there can be nothing between us because 1) I'm in love with someone else, and 2) I'm not attracted to him at all! But at all! He pissed off and got upset because I told him this straight on face, and yes, words cut more than swords!
The reason he got so upset is that he realized that I'm capable of saying NO very well, with no restriction, no bad feelings or such thing. And for a person to say that it means to be a strong emotionally person who eventually he haven't thought I am. It's strainge how some people try to manipulate others and actually concur that very well. But with my person, that won't be the case. And he probably felt so - as he was keep saying that he can feel things! - and coudn't believe his eyes. Man, even one person who had panic attacks can be very, very powerful and strong with wharever it takes. You don't need to be a psychologist to know that. But he was pusking his luck on the edge. He just had to do that and see what it cames out of it,. What I don't understand is that - after all these years he is still in the same position as it was 7 years ago: with no family, no wife, no kids! And he confesed that he would like kids very much, and what do you know? He has none! Why is that? My guess is that he found a girl and tried to make her want what he wants, but you know what they say: you cannot change a wolf's fur! Anyway, maybe he was not such lucky with women, who knows. I don't want to be mean, but maybe, if he's a psychologist, he should change what's he's doing, maybe he's doing something wrong.
Finally, the thing is that he still hopes that he might got a chance. And he refused to tell me the whole story, or he didn't do so because he was (and still is) hoping that I will call him this days (or maybe next week) and ask him out. Your hope is in VAIN. really in vain, dear man. I will never ever want to be with you intimatelly speaking.