Thursday, February 2, 2012

Two days before, two days after

In the endless ocean of life we tend to do things particulary as we were taught: do what you have to do, when you have to do it. And if you're lucky enough, you'll get what you deserve. But when it comes to what is wrong and what is right, in love you never know what your tactics may stand for. You cannot say that will happen this or that, you never know what will change over night. You have no control over it. And when it comes to past experiences, the fog is ever growing bigger.

Four days ago I was on my way to see a dear friend, who happens to be one of my ex college mates, and when I cross the street, there I saw him. No, not my mate, but my first love. No surprise that he was standing there, at about 400 meters away from me, because he is my neighbour for more than 15 years. But still, it was a surprise to see him again. It seemed changed to me, a little bit thinner and taller, with the same face and eyes like always. I looked at him for a few seconds and then I forced myself to look away: I was too drawn into his "view" and I could lose myself in that direction, not to mention that he could very well see me. But I didn't want him to see me at all. Really? I wonder. After a few steps forward, my mind started to "dance" into scenarios and pop up every time I have his image in front of my eyes. After awhile, I started to wonder myself why in the world I have not took the shorter way that brings me right in front of his house (where he was trying to make place for his "white-snowed-car") and stood there for about 1 minute or so, so he could actually see me, watch me, notice me. And do nothing (I guess). Just stand there and watch him as he was doing his job. Just like that. And face him. Of course. That is the trick: face him seems the hardest thing in the world for me, it always was, and I'm afraid it always will be. I should stay stud right in from of him, no matter what. What if he was not going to say 'hi' or anything at all? So what!? People can pass by and watch other people.

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