happy new year!

Ok, OK, now that Christmas has passed and we only have the New Year's coming up I just wanted to say that I'm still looking to pass that exam on July 2010. So I have already placed an order for the biology book.....it will come soon, but I expect this to be after Jan 1st 2010 :)

soon...! till then, have a magnific new year's night with your family and friends!

It's all done now

You won't believe this but I've decided!
Long time I was afraid of doing this and doing that. No, it's not about my persoanl relationship with my b/f, it's about me and me alone. I've decided to follow my childhood dream, that of being a doctor. So I've entered the Carol Davila University of Bucharest page and - as I was afraid of the dentist - this is what I'm going to do even if I'll finish the faculty when I'll be ...35. This is it. it's never too late to follow a dream. Now I just want to see if I past the admission exam because it's out of the question to pay for this ...the annual tax it's 5000 RON! a lot of money I don't have right now and don't know if I'll have them until this summer when the exam will take place. Although, it's not a bad idea to save some until then and put them together after all. Anyways, no one will know about this until I have passed the admission exam. After passing, I'll just see what I'm going to do and who I'm going to tell. Not sure if I should tell my dentist or...not. Not sure if I'm going to tell my mum and dad, or my sister. Not sure what I'm going to do with my actual partner, but at least I want to see if I pass this in budget. If yes, and so it will be, I'm going to follow it!

A little few about the last 3 months

Well, I cannot remember what exactly happened with C. after I came to see again my b/f. I guess he was going back to his g/f too. And with all of this, he still wanted to see me at lest a few times a week. Strange as it seems, we keep seeing each other from time to time and the last 2 weeks were full of shorter or longer flash views ....(I'll be back)

(27.10.2009)

The fact is that he wants me even more than he wanted me before. He wants me so bad that almost it hurts. He wants me because he sees that there is no way his g/f will ever concur me in any way! But he will never have me because I'm only for one man and one man only: my b/f.  As I was listening him talking today, I've realized for sure that he doesn't feel love or passion for her at all: it is what I've always knew it was: only attachment, habitude. This it was all. As I was hearing him talking about her and their relationship, I was hit by some unusual words as "paparuda"(rainmaker), "fufa" (there's no word for it in English) and other terms that I haven't heard before referring to her. The thing is that he has problems with this girl. She's kinda crazy, if I may say so. Meaning that if she sees C. lost in thoughts she instantly believes that he is thinking of women and that is not true all the time: ok, may be true sometimes, but not all the time. At the moment it happened, he was caress her hair and they were in bed, d'oh! How she could think of such thing!? Well, d'oh! Jealousy can harm very much in this case and will harm a lot their relationship if she continues to act like that. And when you think she's the one saying he doesn't strike to see her too much when in fact she is the one making things impossible! Like for example, he was off all week-end (past week-end, 24-25 Oct.), but on Sunday he invited her to go at the mountain with some friends and she refused saying that she'll get bored there if all they are doing is drinking and / or climbing ...d'oh?!!? I said to myself! How she can possibly think that way? How? Another thing: he invited her to Barcelona on the Ramsteain concert and she refused saying AGAIN she'll get bored in there! WHAT? you really don't know what you want girl. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WOMAN! Don't know! Where the huch is your head hitting? OH! As I understood, she only wants to go at the mountains/seaside or anywhere else JUST with him and no-one else! OK, I agree this at some point. I believe there should be some intimately closure, but not all the time, you cannot go only you and your partner because it will be too boring.....oh! Even thou I am planning to have a super holiday with my boy next week somewhere far away from the city. Don't know if this will be or not, but for sure will be an escape my boy desperately needs. Anyways, how can you say you'll get bored? OHH!!! Never mind, they will stick like this till they will get bored one of another. I'm pretty sure about this. I'll just treasure my boyfriend. That's what I'm going to do.

Till next time,  Κίρρα Peace

what goes around, comes around

So to say, I'm in the same situation and even started to wonder if I did what I had to.

Let's see: I was in a fight - we actually broke up (me and my b/f) on April 29, precisely on his b/d. I didn't do this to upset him, nor I did it in this particular day to make it hard for him. It just happened. I could not wait anymore. Now when writing this I've just realize that this can happen also to me on my b/d. God! Hope not! well, after doing this, we didn't talk for about 2 or 3 weeks or so...it was fuzzy for me because all this time I was with the other guy, even we did not make love, we did not had sexual contact, but there were kisses and a lot of hugs and hands going here and there...but nothing more. Time passed, but my ex.b/f used to call me from time to time, I had to pay an older duty and we met for a drink. I felt strange at that time, knowing he is not my b/f anymore. Why the huck I felt like this, I've started to wonder again. It is because I still have feelings for him or it was just a pity? I do not know! Then another week or maybe two passed away and I don't know why we started to email ourselves about things: link to pages, funny emails, news and stuff like that. I felt again strange doing this, because the emails were cold, lacking the goodbye words, so nice and sweet I find this. I was put in a difficult situation knowing that he is not my b/f anymore, but we were still talking, and he was sending me motivational email when he was the one left alone! The situation coundn't be more wierd than that! Then, one day, he called me or sent a sms on my mobile and asked for a getaway one day soon, for a pizza and a beer. Oh! I felt I couldn't refuse him and said 'yes'. It was on June 22 2009 when we met again and I knew that time is going to be different. We felt more comfortable with one each other and even flirt a little bit. After all, I told him from the beginning that I'm in a funny mood and feel like making jokes and talk stupid things. He was in the same mood and from one talk to another, between two slices of pizza, I find myself pushed by his hand into his lips; his lips were kissing me again and I felt I have no escape than to kiss him back. Not that I was forced to, but because I felt so very much! Don't know what happened that moment, but it was delicious! It was absolutely fantastic to fell his lips into mine again. And yes! I wanted that to happen again and it did happen again and again....that evening was, I don't know, but it was something unreal.

Then we met on that Tuesday precisely for no reason: just to see one another- I made him a surprise and called him with twenty mints before end of program and asked where he were to go home that day.....so we met...and kissed and act like we were together again! Met again for the week-end and spent it almost entirely together. And another weekend was this one that passed (June11-12) when we felt great together and even started to talk about marriage (again!?) and he started to call me "my dear wife", "my lovely wife" and so on.....and we are now looking for a house to move together...but there again, the same problem: money! :| As I don't have a job right now, it will be hard to manage things....and I may find one job, even two because I'm a freelancer, but all of them have to be permanent, and one precisely I really want to be assigned is one of translation some articles on a web site, a job that I really enjoy.
We'll be back, cos this is not all.

some things I don't understand.

hello all,

I'm back with news and I'll try to put it all in here.

Again, it's been a while since I last put an sentence in here, but that's not so important. In the mean while, I had a fight with my actual b/f and we took this very serious, so serious that we just broke up and for about 1 month or so we were separeted, but we did talked on the phone sometimes. That month seemed like months and months..like 6 months or so, and I said to myself at that time I won't let that happen again. But here we go and after 4 months I found myself in some kind of confussion like I was (or almost) before. I don't know if I want my b/f to be my husband, and I don't know if I can do something about it. I see myself near him and I wonder if he could stand for me when I need him, taking into consideration the fact that he is shorter than I am and he is also shy. I mean shy...cos I've tryed to take that from him and actually really did it somehow, but I don't know why it is all comming back to me, to us. I mean, there are times when he can stand and see his value perfectlly and some other times when he is so shy that he can barely ake action in one situation or another. I don't really know what do to; if only I I could know....but, this is it. On the other hand, he gives me the force and balance to do whatever I need to to, he give me the straight to fight for myself, he gives me power. And he means peace for my soul. I don't understand why I want more than that.  Cos there are guys I fantesies with and i cannot help it. One brand-new is my dentist who's my age and has a crush on me. I didn't do anything about it, it just happent and this is it. I mean, he just likes me very much and when he sees me, his chees go red and bloowing. Why is this happening?! AT the beggining I said it is nothing, didn't notice all this stuff, but then I stared to like it. I mean - I like the fact that he likes me and I also started to like him. Yes...oh! What that suppose to mean? I know I love my b/f, but then why do I have fantasies with my dentist?! Are fantasies that I do know how if will become real, but they are there, in my head, in my mind. I cannot take then out of my mind. What I'm going to do? And know I even started to think about the fact that soon we are not going to see each other as often as it happens now, becouse he will finish the work with my teeth....we'll see what comes out of it.

like wow~

let's try to remember. it's been so long since my last blog entry and I know I've let you down with all the stuff, but! I'm going to summarize all that happen all this time.
now we are on January 18th 2009 and the time it's accelerating even more. On October 15th 2007 I had my nose operation and got it very well, meaning that the recovery after the operation went really fast and well. I did not had yellow eyes ;)) nor violet circles around the eyes. in one week I was brand-new! Then came up the actually recovery after the surgery; it was cold outside and could not go anywhere. I had to stay at home almost all the time: whenever I tried to go outside, my nose felt like I was holding a piece of ice right on the nose bone. It was horrible! But then the spring 'came into house' and everything changed. it was beautiful to breath so nicely and easily! I couldn't believe my nose! LOL! Not to mention that the doctor worked it a bit and did a great job when you think that he is a ORL doctor, not a plastic surgeon~ I'm so proud not of my nose!

On the other hand, on April 14th 2008 I found a new job, couldn't stand to sit at home doing nothing, with no money of my own. So I decided to go to a job fare and search for a actually better paid job than the previous one and guess what?! I've received a phone call a few days later saying I'm invited to an interview. It was from a bank, a banking news! LOL. Never expected to work in a bank and here I am! I'm still working in that bank! Isn't that great? The only think is that now we are going thru a financial crisis as you may all know already. And there may be some personal reorganization and ...uh, I don't know what it will be. In fact, I have already set a new interview with the bank representative in order to see what it will be like and if I still have the chance to work for the company or....I'll have to find a new employer. I will know it right the way. Or at least I hope so, my nose never left me down. Not till now. So,....I'll just know if they want me or not. I guess they will tell me more, because we already had a previous general meeting with all the other employees and they told us...nothing. Meaning that they turned the words so nice from one hand to another that you cannot actually understand a think. Not even one. Because they want to keep us in stand-by until they decide which one suits the best to their standards. Pfff!!!! Very clever, but also very rude.

everyone has secrets

ok, ok, now it's been more than 1 month since I last wrote something in here....and it feels strange.
I have more than one blog, I write in more than one language and I barely can keep the number of my entries. Never mind anyway. Recently I finished reading a book called 'can you keep a secret?' and that made me really think about my own secrets. Do I have some secrets? Of course I do! everyone does have secrets. Do I want to share them? Umm, not precisely. But I cannot help it. There are some so terribly growing stories that I have to show up and make them alive. Of course, I'll change them a little bit, so they won't be too dramatic or something. But the 'yey' it's still there.

First one is a sexual one, with the 2003 or so for the code. I was in a relationship and he was really involved in a 'three-party-relation' meaning that he was seeing some girl along with her b/f at that time. I was so angry that I couldn't believe that was really happening.

too dramatic

I was too dramatic on my previous post, the one with the clubbing story. The truth is that I was mad about him not telling me the whole truth, but I manage to pass thru this. After all, this only happened once and hopefully will not happen in the future. He admitted he was wrong and I accepted I was too nervous for such small thing. :)

And the truth is that I enjoyed at some point going clubbing, except the smoke and the "too noisy" environment ..but this is clubbing thing, nothing without loud music! And I wish that I was dressed somehow different, I wasn't wearing precisely the clubbing clothes and for this matter I couldn't dance and feel good all the way. But there will be other occasions. Right?! :)

Our childhood vs your childhood.

Our childhood vs your childhood - Ceausescu's period. You don't know how it was, how it felt to be a child then: we were playing outside childhood games, you are now playing computer all day!

how my lover drives me crazy

I mean really crazy, mad!!!
why I'm saying this?
well...because he lied to me about one stupid thing and still I cannot recall because I am still under shock! I never would have thought he will do such I thing!
well, let's see what happened:
An old university colleague was in town the other day and she called so we could all meet downtown. I say 'we' cos there were nine of us going out. Firstly, everything was set to 7pm, but when we already decided not to go, my lover received a phone call from another ex-colleague saying he and his g/f are changing plans and show up at the meeting, but that everything was now set for 9pm and besides that he inform us that we have a club reservation made by another ex-colleague which had a major contribution to this situation; not only that he convinced my b/f to go, but he also told him about the fact that the club reservation will cost us all 160 ron per total, and we all have to pay a little part of it. - THE fact that really drove me crazy was that my b/f didn't mention a anything about this, about the fact that 160 ron will be paid for a bottle of whisky (which, by the way, it's not my favorite drink!!!!) that will be served as soon as we sit to our table.
Now I'm furious about this situation and with all this I really want to let it go, forget it, forgive him and forget about all this situation. It's not only about the money - which, by the way, could have been spent otherwise - but about the fact that he didn't come clean and tell the truth. Maybe next time I should stay home and read a book and don't bother with this clubbing night outs!

what a dream means to you

last night I had a strange dream: well, not really strange, but anyhow, unexpected.

I was in some kind of church and a priest was talking things ( I guess about God). And there were a lot of people around, but was not an usual church meeting. Suddenly, right in front of me I saw a man putting a gun on a lady's head, but I don't really know what he was after. Nobody saw that, and I was afraid to say or do samething. Then a tall men came right from the crowd and peacefully took the aggressor's gun and with a calm accent said: "This isn't a place for such things". And the aggressor stood behind, but I was still afraid of him, just knowing he is in there. Then the crowd moved forward, and everyone took an apple from a bag that was placed in front of the priest and everyone got out using a side door. Then I and my lover (and the whole crowd that was still inside) move forward right in front of the priest, so I could see him and hear his preach. (my lover was with me from the beginning of the dream)
And when there was all silence again, the priest looked at me, softly touched my shoulder and ask me: "Where is Jesus?" And I began to say crying in the same time while speaking, that HE is everywhere around us, He's right there with us, we just have to open our eyes widely to see Him. I start to say that we should all look deep inside ourselves to find Him. He can be in our rooms, He can walk with us on the street, he can pass by, He can be everywhere around us, but it's up to us to see Him.
I was deeply in my speech, when a man behind me stopped me saying: "ja-ja, bla bla, we know that already".... . And I haven't said anything else after that, but I remember I was looking for a hamper bag with apples to see what is the most good looking apple so I can take it......this is when it ends..... WHAT do you THINK about this dream? dreaming about talking about Jesus? I have to mention that the priest was affirmatively gave me to understood I was right when I said all this things about our Jesus...I was crying in the dream when saying all this....and I think I was also crying when I wake up...

what do you think about THE MEANING OF this dream?

sweet things do become precious

when you really learn to appreciate them!
these days (really today) my dear is having his first day at the new job. I really heard nothing about him till now and I'm curious how things went with it. I guess there must be something new to him and he was a little nervious when we left this morning at work.
the fact is that he got a well paid job and we all are anxious to see how he is dealing with it: I guess he is now talking with his parents about it; as I'm not in there he can stay and chat freely without interrupting any kind. I wish still he won't forget me, I'm still here, waiting....

what to good things? Always SMILE --- I'll start a new round of exams on January 26th and Statistics will be the first one. I'm kinda nervious about it cos I'm not really into this, but I hope I'll manage somehow to get a good mark...this is only the first one out of the 7 exams I have to pass this session.

what a wonderful me

this weekend was totaly amazing colorful with spicy little kisses on the top: I just came to realize I don't wanna let happiness go by without having a piece of it. and I just know how to make it mine: being and living things the way they are. it's true I got nervous when I found out some things were mixed up by my moher-in-low, but it is pure and simple that I cannot change this until we get our place to stay, our home, no-matter where that will be, although I want it to be closer to my birth place: somewhere in Bucharest or near by...

yesterday me and my baby went to see some clothes at Dinasty shop on Unirea Shopping Center. and we picked up some really handsome sweaters and two tied-shirts and a pair of dark amethist-like pants! when we arrived at home, after he met with an ex-colleague, my baby tried on the clothes we bought and he is sooo sexy, so damn sexy he is! I just love the way those clothes make him more confident and powerful...all was "paid" with a 1000 lei voucher won on a Christhmas contest, but we got the voucher with almost three weeks delay...

evening music

thought it would be nice to listen in some music. and I found the "I got it from my mum" song, love it really. then goes Nicole Shersinger with her videoclip I just saw on tv a few mints ago. I didn't check up yet to see if I have that one on my playlist, but I'll do it right away. Meanwhile, my baby is sleeping becouse last night couldn't get too much sleep becouse of me snoring. :( bad girl! but it's becouse I'm sick and cannot breath normally....
it's late now and I'm gotta have some dinner cos I'm hmmmm hungry!

tonight

tonight I've realized how happy I am. life can be so amazing! you live, you cry, you love!
tonight I've received the most precious gift I ever could have: the gift of sharing. the gift of sharing love. it's maybe I never was so happy, feeling so peacefull and joyful like tonight.
tonight I've descovered that life can be sweet without big things. we should never ever forget what happiness is: a long chain of crys - only if we let it be. only if we don't open our eyes to see the deep nature of the things around us. only if we expect everything to be simple and fine, won't draw us happiness. life it's complicated, true, and we can only live it to its best when we learn how to appreciate every little thing that comes by.

a lil few about

Here it's a little bit more about.
about everything. I said that before, but now I want to make it different. it doesn't matter what I write about, it's all in here. All my thoughts about things. About life, about relations and stuff.
I like to write and practice my language and my ability to turn ordinary daily facts into beautiful fantasy stories. Enjoy!



@Cristina Love Peace  2007-2012 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.