Monday, March 26, 2012

A note

Intro: I cannot remember when I wrote these lines, they were saved in a notepad, so I cannot see the date or time, but I believe it was somewhere in October-November 2011.

I'm sitting here in my old-fashioned chair, in this magnificent big room, with charming curves and tall walls. It's past midnight and I'm a little dizzy. I had a coffee at 4 pm, which is totally unusually for me; on top of that, I also had an energizing cocktail at 3 pm and some Goji fruits at 6 pm. What came out of this? Well...a so-called "not in the mood" stage which I have to confront with and make it disappear. After all, it will pass by its own when the moment is right. I already have that dizziness I told you about, but still have so many gains to write some thoughts here.

Well, recently I just figured out what I really want to do. Not that I didn't know already, but I was...afraid to accept it, that in this moment, I mess up things so bad I don't know how to pull this in a good light. I have missed the chance to be in the same group with the girl I was talking for bout two years now, a girl from another town who wishes so much to be a dentist, that she's not thinking 'what about that', how about this' and so on. SHE is JUST living the moment, and the moment is now, is hers. Why? How? Well, she looks right forward to her dream and stands up for it. I just had the "not so good for this thing" and look how I ended. Is this destiny?

And there was another notepad saying:

So that was the thing, I thought I was too little to make it. I arrived home, and I start writing about it. Where was this fear come from? It was something beyond my understanding or was it inside me? However, there was fear. And fear has nothing to do with success. Nothing.

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