Thursday, May 3, 2012

Night out - thoughts in!

As I was hitting back home, my thoughts were jumping up and down my brain and I couldn't help wondering what's he doing tonight. A sip of coffee was still in my red cup. I have open the window to get some fresh air, but the noise outside is really getting my thoughts away. I hear dogs barking and people laughing. It's like Saturday night, except it's Thursday, but you can tell the temperature is high and people started to spend more time outdoors than they usually spend. And I know for sure that they were anxious for the summer to come!
Tonight I was down town with my girls, and we had some super cool time. One of girls is getting marry on June 30 this year and we are losing her from the 'not-married' club. She's so excited and so happy! I wonder what happiness is to her: a marriage? children? a brand-new house? I know for sure what is happiness to me: It means one word: FREEDOM. A word that most of women find it very hard to digest, somehow threatening, because they associate this word with being unfaithful. And I don't blame them - it's just that at some point they over react and that's not good for the relationship they have. And maybe because women have so many great expectations, they are so broken when the man that sworn to be close for the rest of their lives step outside the matrimonial bed. They don't know that we human are polygamists - we are meant to love more than one person at the time, and we are perfectly capable to love a person and to feel drawn by another!!! That is SEXUAL attraction and it's perfectly normal! But tell that to a very conservator person and she or he will laugh in your face or will get so angry that you'll wish not to have opened the subject...ever!

While I was getting closer to my house, my mind begin to think about other dear friend of mine who left me with no contact about his life whatsoever. He lives very close to my house and I get to see him from time to time, just by passing by his house. He never felt the urge to see what I am doing...or maybe he was searching for me other the internet. Maybe. But I don't think so. He totally disappeared from my life a few years ago, more like 5?! and never talked to me since then. I feel left behind, I feel very little, but I know it's not worth the pain. As I'm writing this, I figured out one thing: maybe that's why I feel so not capable of doing this or that, because he made me feel (indirectly) I cannot, after being the one that inspired me to graduate the language university!!! But the way he treated me, how he left me with no explanation, all this could have affect me in some negative way and I never thought about it! All this had a great and deep impact on my self-confidence. It's good that I meditate about this. When I make the connections between persons, things and situations, something deep inside me says "thanks for noticing it!" And YEAS, I really feel like when discovering the world! ;-) LOL!

I have so much to say, I want to write about so many things, BUT I feel tired and I have to return to my other words, the one paying my bills. :-) 

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