how it feels to be in a flap

Was still rainging when we got home. My mother insisted that we should go in spite of the nervous rainy drops that were rushing washing the street. She was afraid that the water may find its way to our cellar and that we would have to work to dry it up. ..again. Because that was not the first time when she was afraid. Not the first time to have water in there. She still thinks that water will come in and she'll have to work it out.
Luckly, th sun came up after a while when the rain seemed not to stop for at least a few hours. But no! we have sun again and even so, I feel sleepy. I woke up at 7Am after going to bed at 1AM...uhhh, I thought I'm going to sleep until 8:30 or so to get to my 10AM appointment I had to the nutritionist this morning, but got up way too early.


Earlier I had a fight with my mum. Everything begun from the fact that I'm not capble to fix my room "as it should be", or at least as she thinks it should be fixed. I'm young. And still living with my parents. Not that young for that. And sometimes I feel I should do something about it, like take a poor job, move somewhere with my b/f and see what comes from this. I even think to start a vc job. Maybe something good (money) will come from this. But I have to do this on a regular basis and I feel I cannot do it like this. It seems too boring for me, to vanny, to clever to twist men's mind in order to get a pay per mint. Find it somehow outgrageous even they know what they are paying for. Anyway, this is the problem, I have to move on. Have to clean all the stuff in my life, have to move it on, throw all the unnecessary things to garbage, try not to bring new un-necessary ones, have to figure it out whether I want a baby now or I want to start working somewhere outside the contry. I don't know. That come thru my mind so many times and my b/f is so encouraging me to do it, that I almost feel I can actually do it. And why wouldn't I? I'm a can do person. I ought to be. ;-) After all, if you think you can do it, you can really do it. And my b/f wants to join me in this journey.

I just got the answer

Yeah. just hitted me this morning when I was making my coffee : from all those things messed up in my life, one is for sure the fact that I'm still living with my parents. I love my parents and I'm happy I can still be at the same table with them every day. I come to the age that I almost feel they are growing so old that I can barely want to leave them. And that's not good for me. Nor for them. Then why am I still here? Because I have no choices. No money to move on my own. No possibilities to have my own house, not even to pay a rent. That because I don't want to be a slave again. NOT anymore. I feel I don't want to play this (corporation) game ever again. Going to work 8-10 hours a day won't worth all the money in the world~! I don't want to end up as a piece of poorless girl with no family of my own, being unable to smile to the sun, I want to actually relax after work, I want to be happy! And this is happiness for me: to do whatever you like (and enjoy and feel love for) and earn as few as you need, as much as you can take your head on the shoulders without being drawn in the process.

But I cannot do all this things without leaving the nest. I have to do something to {un-block} this situation. I'll never be a 100% a grown up responsable person until I do something about it.

feeling down, lost, little 'thing', less important.

I'm in deep pain. Hurt. Today I was not only rejected as a web content analyst, but also as a person. What am I doing with my life?!

I'm 30 and some. I'm not married. Have no kids. No house to call my own. No career. Not part of a big successful corporation. As a matter of fact, I hate big corporations for what they are, for the system and everything that comes with it. So, where I am?

At the beginning of grad school I didn't know where I was hitting. At the end, I wasn't even wondering myself what am I going to do next with my life. I had no plans, just a diploma paper and some luck. If I had that last one. I don't know, maybe. I consider myself a lucky woman and I feel blessed sometimes. But still, I don't know how to manage my life, what to do, how to organize it. Who am I kidding to? I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm frighten of this situation.

Let's start with what I do have. I have a shelter - maybe more than a shelter, a big house to live in, my parents' house, of course. I also have a 5 years old relationship with a fantastic amazing guy who loves me sooo much. I'm very grateful for that. I am lucky, really truly lucky. I have what to eat, and for that I have to be thankful, because not only that I have what to eat, but also I eat what I want and I can somehow manage to buy what I want to eat, which is very important because I love healthy food, with lots of fruits and veggies, which are not always cheep. So again, I am lucky. But I'm such a mess when it comes to my career. What I am doing to do about it?

I never been an work alcoholic or so, I left office at 6PM (or 5, if the case) and went straight home or downtown sometimes. I never been such a good learner either. So then I end up on doing just what needs to be done and nothing more. I've choose the faculty I've graduated because it was an easy one, or at least it seemed to be at that time. I was afraid to pick something different, such as medicine or something else because I was afraid to take responsibility for my actions. What is worse is that I'm still in the same situation: I want more money doing nothing and I don't want to be responsible. I am afraid I can not handle it. I don't know why, maybe because I was used like this, maybe because I had some bad "settings" from back when I was a child. Maybe my parents never encouraged me to do something different, to get out of the crowd, to say it out loud. But I got over this bashfulness when I was in my first university year and I've realized that people see me as I let them see me. So I changed and started to think more widely. The results came up almost instantly!

I don't want to work 8-10 hours a day for a pittance and not live my life as I want, close to my dear beloved ones. I want to be able to work from the comfort of my own home and that seems so hard to achieve right now. I feel like everything is going up-side-down when it comes to career and jobs. I have a very low paid job and I want another one to rise my earnings. But what can I do about it? I feel like I'm a poor translator, a poor writer, a poor everything-related-to-job. I feel I'm low much low below the standards and I'm frustrated because of that. I have no support from somebody who is also working on the field, I don't know anyone just so close to call my firnd and to ask question s (stupid beginners' questions!) without having a laugh on me! I'm jut wondering, what can I do about it?!

Sundays are always lazy ;-)

This morning I woke up with the mind set for coffee. That kind of coffee that you only get to drink at home, made with your own hands and served with love in the intimacy of your living room. Or maybe in the back yard. :-)

But when I actually stand up I could feel that pain in the lower stomach saying that's not a good day for coffee, instead I should try some green smoothie or a tea. So I've made this incredible green smoothie using 3 big indregients: 2 green apples, 1 green pear (green, but sweeeet!) and a few (5-6) leaves of green cabbage. What it came out was something sooo sweet and tasty that I drunk all that juicy almost instantly!

Now I have to do something with this ovarian pain, but I think I'll just bath myself into warm horse tail infusion that is recommended for this kind of pain.


But the ovarian pain is not the problem. Today I "felt down the bridge" when I saw that my application to a job that I actually wanted to such was rejected. It kind hurt my feelings as I was already thinking how would be to work for this company (a big one). I guess it was my fault at some point, when I had my first interview I prefered to type instead of talking which was not a good thing for me, and well...then - maybe the tests were not good, I don't know. And another thing - little detail I've noticed after I sent one last message to the employer was that I typed by mistake "testes" instead of "tests" which may be counting for the job. :| Anyway, this is it, I'll have to move on and start looking for other jobs on the market. The thing is that they contacted me and I thought I really have the chance to have this job.

what's with this back pain?

After all, today may be a rainy day after the day it started with a lot of sun smiling at my happy face. :-) I woke up early, at 7:30Am and got my b/f into shape for a new day of work! Then we had some breakfast, put some clothes on and hit the door. We actually step outside with a coffee {vanilla and caramelo} frappe in mind, and end up on a fancy terrace down town. It was nice, but not very quiet. The cars were running by making a lot of noise, but we just had our coffee and smile to the world.

Well, the things are not that pinky as I painted them to be, but at least we try out best. My b/f is frustrated because of work, I'm in the middle of a job requiting and I have to pass some tests before they accept me for this job, we are planning to go on vacantion this summer - twice actually - and we are very tight with the money: he wants to leave this job and stay focused only on web-design presentations, to take some small jobs and make a portofolio so he can later rely on the earnings from this job. But it's catchy, because as soon as he will leave his actual job, he will be out of money for a while - or at least with a very few he saved for this - and he is worried about this: what if he's not going to make it, what is he is not capable to undergo this and so on. He is even thinking that I may be leaving him because he has no money! That's a totally bullsh#t and I had to assure him that everything is  going to be fine, he doesn't need to be worry about this. I haven't told him this, but he really made me feel bad and unconfortable saying and believing that!

What I'm worried about now is my back pain. I got this pain from about 5 days now and I suppose is because of my computer working and inactivity. I'm not a sporty person and I don't know if I'll ever be, but at least I should try to move my ass more ofter in the park, jogging and stuff. But I just can't do this all by myself. I need somebody to be with me ...anyway, this is not a good moment to start running here and there, not until I get to see my doctor and find out what the huch is going on and most of all ---- what is to be done!  Oh! and another thing. Yesterday I had my blood tests done and I can wait for the results. Unlikely, I'm not scared, but anxious to find out the result and take action - if needed. I'm saying that because of my 80-90% raw food diet that I'm taking from about 4 months now (4 months on 11.05.2011). I just realised now that are 4 months, and not 3! God! I hope I can still eat some fish sometimes. Anyway, because I was affraid or not, I just had some cheese from time to time, very little few pieces of cheese. It was OK I huess since I was not in stomach pain and the next day (after eating that) I eat only raw food. But the thing is that I want to eat some eggs and cheese from time to time, let's say once at 2-3 weeks or so.
That's OK from now. I got a terrible back pain (but I'm sure there are pains worse than what I feel right now~) and I'll just run from the computer! lol~

A totally odd meeting

Today I had the most strainge meeting ever. I met with an old friend, more like an contact than a friend, that I met seven years ago. He was almost unchanged and at the beginning I was blind about his intentions. I thought this is going to be a totaly free, pleasant discution between two adults, but all it was it was manipulation.
From the beginning I start to feel a little bit strange because he let me do the talk and listen to me to the point when I've realize that all he was after was to hear my version and a little about my current situation, catch

Full Moon!

Hi!

Last night was foll moon and I was very nervous. No panic attacks, but still there were some argues I didn't liked at all: like me having a fight with my mom for nothing, meaning no important thing, we were just arguing. I didn't want that to happen and look that IT really happened!

Now I'm a little sleepy and I wanna sleep a little bit.

Long enought!

I haven't write a line in here and I can barely find my words. I was away from panic attacks and I'm so happy about this. We are going through spring and my body is in a very good shape. I feel joy and I wanna share it with you too.


Lately {January 2011} I've discovered the power of raw food. I know the most of you aren't aware of this subject and maybe you never heard about it, but I can tell you it feels soooo good for the body! When you begin to eat raw food {fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts} you body starts to feel this change and what you get back from this is a GREAT health, great body shape, great skin condition, great smile&spirit, long shiny hair, hard strong nails and SO ON. I'm so happy about this you can't even imagine!

I won't bother you with details, the internet is full with all kind of information and advices you can check, but I'm going to tell you one thing: YOU GOTTA be prepared for this and MAKE SURE you're on your right way, because if you try this raw diet for a {very} long and then you come back to cooked food, you may even die! For example, one patient died after she tried boiled potatoes, that's because potatoes contain one toxic farina-starch that will harm so much the intestinal transit that can even block it! So be careful!

See you soon!

say no to panic attaks!

This entry will be kept straight and short. 

No panic attacks. Haven't got any and I'm so pride of myself! I have to tell you I got another blog on wordpress, but still I'm inlove with blogger much more than with wordpress. I'm used with it, maybe, and find it much more easy to use than wordpress. Anyways, It's all about something different and it's public. Not that I can't make this public, is that I don't want to. What's the point?!

About the Kundalini awakening, I find that I can be very well happy after reading some OSHO books, other than Being in love - I had to read Courage - the pleasure to live dangerously, but also Consciousness, Joy, Compassion and others - who made me feel special and made me realize that life is really what you make it to be, what you want it to be. There's no secret to live as you want to, just to do it! Make that necessary changes in your life and everything will start to make sense. You'll see that the difference stays in what you do, think, act! Just act when ever you feel like and don't be afraid! That's all about in Courage, about not being afraid to do things you think are impossible to do! Nothing is really impossible if you think you can do it, if you think that changes - that we are often afraid - are meant to bust our lives in such way that you'll never want to live in this death-life you're living right now!

Kundalini awakening

Last night I had a panic attack once again.
It was provoked by a book I'm reading right now, Guérison spirituelle et immortalité, which presents the Kundalini awakening, very well described in here as a state of human awakening to its deepest inner self. I think what made me enter this panic attack was connecting the books facts with some real fact of my life. In the process, the Kundalini energy is going through all the 7 chakras, from the back lowest point of spinal column, arousing to the last one situated in the head. This process can take a few months, but it can also take a few years, it depends on the person preparation for this state of being. One may be afraid and as we all know already, fear makes us weak and unprepared for the changes. We are afraid to do a thing or another, thinking that may cause a change or changes in our lives, but what we don't want to accept it that changes are inevitable and we have to leave them happen. Let them be. Emerge. 
The process is complicated, and, if you don't realise what is going on with you and your body, you may be considered as insane. With this diagnosis you can only take some pills and medication that will oppress the Kundalini Energy for rising through its last chakra and to illumination: when the Kundalini energy has emerged through the last chakra, the body and mind are relieved and you can then feel the beauty of life: no panic, no stress, no worries, no headache, nothing, but a totally peaced mind and body. The taste of happiness through the spiritual evolution. 

autumn is in town again

these days were more than autumn-like days. I felt I'm in some kind of time capsule when all the sudden I found myself in front of my closet wondering what to wear. can you imagine this? oh, this summer went through very fast, could not wear all my clothes and I don't even have that much! for those who don't know me at all, I'm not a shoppachoooliccc! I really have few clothes, and very few to wear as house clothes. but still, I think this summer was too short. TOOOOO short for me....come on --- what I'm trying to say is that time is too short in this life, even more than that: time is running too fast in that direction. One day is shorten than the other one that just passed away. Time is hitting to 0! Time will come to be infinite, not having the 3 coordinates: past, present, future. There will be something you never have imagined that it can become true. Something unthinkable!

I say hello to a sweet cup of coffee. The sky is cloudy and all I can think of is rain. In fact, some drops when to the cold asphalt. Soon I'll have to take under more work to be done, another project so I can rise my earnings. I have to, or else I'm at the same level and I want to grow a little bit.

kiss you deep - tonight is Leonard Cohen's night :)
oldies, but goldies!

Time for tea, please!

Yes, again another time no posting.
This time is less time as was before. As reading my writings I've noticed some mistakes in the process. But I guess you all got it right.

Well, what happened lately? Very much had happened and very much is going to happen, of course. First of all, I have to complete my last writing and tell you I did not sustained that exam because I was afraid not to pass it, and more than that, I was afraid I'm going to pass it! And this was jut about to happen if I were there to sustain that exam. The admission grades were very low and I'm sure my grade could very well be over 8,50. But I wasn't there. That's it. And I'm even thinking it's better that way. What I'm going to do with medicine? Am I ready for such thing? Can I cope with it? I know, you'll say I worry too much, thinking too much and balancing too much, but this are true issues to think about. Can I manage this? Yes, I can manage everything, but I don't know if I still got the power as I'm hitting to change the 2 with the 3. eR?

Hello, July is here!

I'm back and ready to post some interesting stories about what happened in the last 2-3 months.

First of all, I have to admit that not everything went as I wanted to: I couldn't apply to medicine (because I already had one faculty finished) and that made me really upset. I calmed down right away when I realized that I didn't study physics so much so I had to pass this, not just be there and see what comes out of it. Anyways, this is my dream, but as any other dream has to be "approachble", reachble somehow.. I'll be back, I have to leave for a few hours. :)

(1:28, July 23, 2010)
I'm back. It' 1:28 in the morning and I have no sleep. I was up till now to finish some translation text that need to be ready tomorrow (meaning today, coz it's past 00!) at 10AM. I have so much to say, but so little words. I just I'm just tired and can concentrate right now, but I'll be back soon with new infos!

see ya!

Kunder Broker - what a joke!

Kunder Broker - What a joke!

This week-end, me and my boyfriend attended an business seminary on how to do business, of course. The only thing that was not said in proper word was that one has to lie a lot in order to achieve her/his goal: to make that person to sign a contract, a life insurance that costs a lot of money (about 2500romanian lei - meaning about 1000$) - an amount that can be hardly paid one time (for the first year) and then quartly. But still, not nice. There are a few people that can pay that amount now when the crisis has come over.

Hear what you want - heh!

Yes, hear what you want to hear, not what you should or what you don't like. The people that held the training were using nice words, forgetting to say what was most important: this is not a job that can be made by anyone. Not anyone can do this kind of job: you have to be persuasive and have a really good view about the products and services provided. Instead of this, we got some bullshit bla-bla talk about the "easy" thing doing business, when the truth what totally different: you have to play the jack with one and another in order to bring them into your teem and then make them understand how it works and then, d'oh!, convince them to continue doing the same! Can you believe that? I mean, this guys have a lot of nervs to do this!

How to get rich when the crisis strikes

Who gets richer on the market in crisis times? Who else than someone who already has a lot of money and can play them very well to achieve the goal of having more and more!!!!?! Some insurance company, some outsourcing company or maybe own your bank and that's it! This guys are only investing in more and more money, wanting to cover all the market, to have more and more consultants to push the things further and further!

I made up my mind

And decided to stay with the health insurances when the moment will come. The only thing for that I'm going to "fight": it will be much more easier to convince people to sign with your company since they have nothing to pay. 2% will be held in the personal health insurance account. Starting with July or August, we don't know for sure- and I'm going to make as much as I can when the start is done, taking into consideration that the amount of money for each insurance signed will be around 40 euros. I just love this, yes. :) And can barely wait. Don't know if we are going to have a proper summer holiday this year, but for sure it will be full. Then, with the money we manage to save, maybe we'll buy something.

happy new year!

Ok, OK, now that Christmas has passed and we only have the New Year's coming up I just wanted to say that I'm still looking to pass that exam on July 2010. So I have already placed an order for the biology book.....it will come soon, but I expect this to be after Jan 1st 2010 :)

soon...! till then, have a magnific new year's night with your family and friends!

It's all done now

You won't believe this but I've decided!
Long time I was afraid of doing this and doing that. No, it's not about my persoanl relationship with my b/f, it's about me and me alone. I've decided to follow my childhood dream, that of being a doctor. So I've entered the Carol Davila University of Bucharest page and - as I was afraid of the dentist - this is what I'm going to do even if I'll finish the faculty when I'll be ...35. This is it. it's never too late to follow a dream. Now I just want to see if I past the admission exam because it's out of the question to pay for this ...the annual tax it's 5000 RON! a lot of money I don't have right now and don't know if I'll have them until this summer when the exam will take place. Although, it's not a bad idea to save some until then and put them together after all. Anyways, no one will know about this until I have passed the admission exam. After passing, I'll just see what I'm going to do and who I'm going to tell. Not sure if I should tell my dentist or...not. Not sure if I'm going to tell my mum and dad, or my sister. Not sure what I'm going to do with my actual partner, but at least I want to see if I pass this in budget. If yes, and so it will be, I'm going to follow it!

A little few about the last 3 months

Well, I cannot remember what exactly happened with C. after I came to see again my b/f. I guess he was going back to his g/f too. And with all of this, he still wanted to see me at lest a few times a week. Strange as it seems, we keep seeing each other from time to time and the last 2 weeks were full of shorter or longer flash views ....(I'll be back)

(27.10.2009)

The fact is that he wants me even more than he wanted me before. He wants me so bad that almost it hurts. He wants me because he sees that there is no way his g/f will ever concur me in any way! But he will never have me because I'm only for one man and one man only: my b/f.  As I was listening him talking today, I've realized for sure that he doesn't feel love or passion for her at all: it is what I've always knew it was: only attachment, habitude. This it was all. As I was hearing him talking about her and their relationship, I was hit by some unusual words as "paparuda"(rainmaker), "fufa" (there's no word for it in English) and other terms that I haven't heard before referring to her. The thing is that he has problems with this girl. She's kinda crazy, if I may say so. Meaning that if she sees C. lost in thoughts she instantly believes that he is thinking of women and that is not true all the time: ok, may be true sometimes, but not all the time. At the moment it happened, he was caress her hair and they were in bed, d'oh! How she could think of such thing!? Well, d'oh! Jealousy can harm very much in this case and will harm a lot their relationship if she continues to act like that. And when you think she's the one saying he doesn't strike to see her too much when in fact she is the one making things impossible! Like for example, he was off all week-end (past week-end, 24-25 Oct.), but on Sunday he invited her to go at the mountain with some friends and she refused saying that she'll get bored there if all they are doing is drinking and / or climbing ...d'oh?!!? I said to myself! How she can possibly think that way? How? Another thing: he invited her to Barcelona on the Ramsteain concert and she refused saying AGAIN she'll get bored in there! WHAT? you really don't know what you want girl. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WOMAN! Don't know! Where the huch is your head hitting? OH! As I understood, she only wants to go at the mountains/seaside or anywhere else JUST with him and no-one else! OK, I agree this at some point. I believe there should be some intimately closure, but not all the time, you cannot go only you and your partner because it will be too boring.....oh! Even thou I am planning to have a super holiday with my boy next week somewhere far away from the city. Don't know if this will be or not, but for sure will be an escape my boy desperately needs. Anyways, how can you say you'll get bored? OHH!!! Never mind, they will stick like this till they will get bored one of another. I'm pretty sure about this. I'll just treasure my boyfriend. That's what I'm going to do.

Till next time,  Κίρρα Peace

what goes around, comes around

So to say, I'm in the same situation and even started to wonder if I did what I had to.

Let's see: I was in a fight - we actually broke up (me and my b/f) on April 29, precisely on his b/d. I didn't do this to upset him, nor I did it in this particular day to make it hard for him. It just happened. I could not wait anymore. Now when writing this I've just realize that this can happen also to me on my b/d. God! Hope not! well, after doing this, we didn't talk for about 2 or 3 weeks or so...it was fuzzy for me because all this time I was with the other guy, even we did not make love, we did not had sexual contact, but there were kisses and a lot of hugs and hands going here and there...but nothing more. Time passed, but my ex.b/f used to call me from time to time, I had to pay an older duty and we met for a drink. I felt strange at that time, knowing he is not my b/f anymore. Why the huck I felt like this, I've started to wonder again. It is because I still have feelings for him or it was just a pity? I do not know! Then another week or maybe two passed away and I don't know why we started to email ourselves about things: link to pages, funny emails, news and stuff like that. I felt again strange doing this, because the emails were cold, lacking the goodbye words, so nice and sweet I find this. I was put in a difficult situation knowing that he is not my b/f anymore, but we were still talking, and he was sending me motivational email when he was the one left alone! The situation coundn't be more wierd than that! Then, one day, he called me or sent a sms on my mobile and asked for a getaway one day soon, for a pizza and a beer. Oh! I felt I couldn't refuse him and said 'yes'. It was on June 22 2009 when we met again and I knew that time is going to be different. We felt more comfortable with one each other and even flirt a little bit. After all, I told him from the beginning that I'm in a funny mood and feel like making jokes and talk stupid things. He was in the same mood and from one talk to another, between two slices of pizza, I find myself pushed by his hand into his lips; his lips were kissing me again and I felt I have no escape than to kiss him back. Not that I was forced to, but because I felt so very much! Don't know what happened that moment, but it was delicious! It was absolutely fantastic to fell his lips into mine again. And yes! I wanted that to happen again and it did happen again and again....that evening was, I don't know, but it was something unreal.

Then we met on that Tuesday precisely for no reason: just to see one another- I made him a surprise and called him with twenty mints before end of program and asked where he were to go home that day.....so we met...and kissed and act like we were together again! Met again for the week-end and spent it almost entirely together. And another weekend was this one that passed (June11-12) when we felt great together and even started to talk about marriage (again!?) and he started to call me "my dear wife", "my lovely wife" and so on.....and we are now looking for a house to move together...but there again, the same problem: money! :| As I don't have a job right now, it will be hard to manage things....and I may find one job, even two because I'm a freelancer, but all of them have to be permanent, and one precisely I really want to be assigned is one of translation some articles on a web site, a job that I really enjoy.
We'll be back, cos this is not all.

some things I don't understand.

hello all,

I'm back with news and I'll try to put it all in here.

Again, it's been a while since I last put an sentence in here, but that's not so important. In the mean while, I had a fight with my actual b/f and we took this very serious, so serious that we just broke up and for about 1 month or so we were separeted, but we did talked on the phone sometimes. That month seemed like months and months..like 6 months or so, and I said to myself at that time I won't let that happen again. But here we go and after 4 months I found myself in some kind of confussion like I was (or almost) before. I don't know if I want my b/f to be my husband, and I don't know if I can do something about it. I see myself near him and I wonder if he could stand for me when I need him, taking into consideration the fact that he is shorter than I am and he is also shy. I mean shy...cos I've tryed to take that from him and actually really did it somehow, but I don't know why it is all comming back to me, to us. I mean, there are times when he can stand and see his value perfectlly and some other times when he is so shy that he can barely ake action in one situation or another. I don't really know what do to; if only I I could know....but, this is it. On the other hand, he gives me the force and balance to do whatever I need to to, he give me the straight to fight for myself, he gives me power. And he means peace for my soul. I don't understand why I want more than that.  Cos there are guys I fantesies with and i cannot help it. One brand-new is my dentist who's my age and has a crush on me. I didn't do anything about it, it just happent and this is it. I mean, he just likes me very much and when he sees me, his chees go red and bloowing. Why is this happening?! AT the beggining I said it is nothing, didn't notice all this stuff, but then I stared to like it. I mean - I like the fact that he likes me and I also started to like him. Yes...oh! What that suppose to mean? I know I love my b/f, but then why do I have fantasies with my dentist?! Are fantasies that I do know how if will become real, but they are there, in my head, in my mind. I cannot take then out of my mind. What I'm going to do? And know I even started to think about the fact that soon we are not going to see each other as often as it happens now, becouse he will finish the work with my teeth....we'll see what comes out of it.

like wow~

let's try to remember. it's been so long since my last blog entry and I know I've let you down with all the stuff, but! I'm going to summarize all that happen all this time.
now we are on January 18th 2009 and the time it's accelerating even more. On October 15th 2007 I had my nose operation and got it very well, meaning that the recovery after the operation went really fast and well. I did not had yellow eyes ;)) nor violet circles around the eyes. in one week I was brand-new! Then came up the actually recovery after the surgery; it was cold outside and could not go anywhere. I had to stay at home almost all the time: whenever I tried to go outside, my nose felt like I was holding a piece of ice right on the nose bone. It was horrible! But then the spring 'came into house' and everything changed. it was beautiful to breath so nicely and easily! I couldn't believe my nose! LOL! Not to mention that the doctor worked it a bit and did a great job when you think that he is a ORL doctor, not a plastic surgeon~ I'm so proud not of my nose!

On the other hand, on April 14th 2008 I found a new job, couldn't stand to sit at home doing nothing, with no money of my own. So I decided to go to a job fare and search for a actually better paid job than the previous one and guess what?! I've received a phone call a few days later saying I'm invited to an interview. It was from a bank, a banking news! LOL. Never expected to work in a bank and here I am! I'm still working in that bank! Isn't that great? The only think is that now we are going thru a financial crisis as you may all know already. And there may be some personal reorganization and ...uh, I don't know what it will be. In fact, I have already set a new interview with the bank representative in order to see what it will be like and if I still have the chance to work for the company or....I'll have to find a new employer. I will know it right the way. Or at least I hope so, my nose never left me down. Not till now. So,....I'll just know if they want me or not. I guess they will tell me more, because we already had a previous general meeting with all the other employees and they told us...nothing. Meaning that they turned the words so nice from one hand to another that you cannot actually understand a think. Not even one. Because they want to keep us in stand-by until they decide which one suits the best to their standards. Pfff!!!! Very clever, but also very rude.